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Healthy Horizons

Panic Disorder (PD) is a terribly frustrating disorder. I don't wish to cover this from the direction of statistics and medical definitions, but rather from one that aids others who suffer with it. Panic can be described in one word - fear. Fear of what? Well, for a person who suffers from Panic Disorder, it can be a fear of most anything.

Many people, but not all, suffer with agoraphobia or social phobia, which is in essence a fear of people or the outside world, the fear that you are different, that they will see you differently more so then they will harm you. I suppose maybe some fear that they will suffer harm from others, but I hear the fear of feeling like a freak. That is a terrible feeling, I can tell you first hand.

I have such fear of going outside my door, though I know in my mind of logic people really aren't looking at me and seeing anything. The PD mind sees it differently. I think they are talking about me or laughing at me, anything that describes a dislike.

Panic Disorder also causes a fear of death because of the things you experience when having a panic attack (PA). One primary feeling is that of your chest tightening and your air being cut off. I also have moments when my heart pounds erratically, then stops for just a short moment.

It is hard to express the feeling that accompanies, but it is a tremendous fear. The worst, I think, is at night when I have just fallen asleep and I awake feeling as though I have quit breathing. Then the panic is immediate, which logically only feeds the situation.

It isn't fair that I, or anyone else, has to suffer this torment, but then, a lot of things in life aren't fair. So what do you do? Well for me, I'm doing it right here. I was suffering a PA that ultimately developed this article. This doesn't always work and I didn't get through it solely by writing. I leaned on a friend with PD and typed as I chatted. It's called distraction. We can fight the PA and make it intensify and last longer or we can let it come and take its course.

For me, creativity is my inspiration because it is the one thing in life I am confident with and that makes me feel good. When I write, I feel satisfaction in what I have achieved. I think if we were to look through writers and their history, we would find many who suffered from some form of medical or mental disorder, many success stories, and probably many who survived through their talent.

If any of you know such writers, I would love for you to drop me a line. Even if you wouldn't mind sharing your own story of inspiration, I would be glad to hear it. Certainly in issues to come, we will contemplate over the collaboration of writers and their struggles in this capacity. Thanks for sharing my illness and, in a way, seeing me through it.

'Til next time keep looking toward those Healthy Horizons!