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Sparks

Karen Grunberg

Facing your Fears

Do you remember being a little kid? What did you like to do? I liked to draw. Houses, people, animals; I could draw anything. No one dared tell me that my dog looked more like a kangaroo or that monkeys weren't green. Everything I created looked perfect. Sometime between then and now, I figured that drawing was hard. That I had to have 'talent' to do it. People told me about perspective, proportion, and color coordination. As a little girl, I could draw. As a grownup, I can't really.

I have this idea that I'm not the only one with this phenomenon. Also that drawing isn't the only thing that seems to require more talent as you get older. So does playing an instrument, acting, singing, writing, and many other subjects. The childish confidence somehow gives way to adulthood cowardice. This month's exercise tries to cure this insecurity.

There are two ways to face this problem. The first way is to stop doing it altogether. I can admit that I cannot draw and let those who can, keep doing it. Or I can decide that it doesn't matter what others think and draw anyway. If I decided to quit my job tomorrow and become an artist, you might tell me to face the facts and maybe invest in some more practice time before I completely cut off my source of income. But if I just want to draw for personal pleasure or if I decide to enroll in some classes with the future hope of pursuing a career in drawing, any decent person should know to offer nothing but encouragement.

For the sake of this exercise, let's assume you chose the second option and that you decided to 'go for it.' To make it somewhat more applicable, let's change the subject to writing. Let's say I want to write a book, but I'm afraid I can't. The first thing to do is figure out why I feel scared to write. This is the time to go grab the pen and paper cause we're going to make a list. Go!

All right, now, make a list of what scares you about writing. This list is intended to concentrate on the mechanics and types of writing and not that you're scared people will laugh at it. For the sake of the exercise, let's assume no one else will see your writing. Try to get as detailed as possible. Here's an example:

• dialogue conveying emotions
• creating vivid descriptions
• realistic dialogue
• writing mysteries
• a sexually explicit scene
• from the perspective of a child
• from third person POV - or second or first
• changing perspective in a scene
• grammar
• coming up with plot ideas
• writing within a certain word limit
• writing poetry
• punctuation
• beginnings that suck the reader in

Write for as long as you can, without thinking too hard. List the first things that come to your mind.

Once the list is complete, organize it according to what you consider most essential to you. For example, if you don't write stories that include couples, you wouldn't necessarily need to be great at writing sex scenes, but you would need to work on dialogue. After sorting the list, pick the first item and throw away all your fears. Give yourself permission to write badly and tell yourself no one can tell you that you suck.

Let's say I picked dialogue; I feel uncomfortable writing dialogue that conveys emotions. For the next hour, my task is to write stories composed entirely of dialogue. I have to write a dialogue about a woman whose husband just left her, a man whose mother died, a teenager who got accepted to the college of her choice, a pair of parents who have to tell their children that they're getting a divorce. Any emotional situation that comes to my mind.

What's the worst that can happen? I am no more comfortable with writing emotional dialogue than I was before. In the best case scenario, I found a way to tap into my childish ignorance and can now learn to master my ability to make people talk emotionally on paper. Most realistically, I took a step to becoming better, and if I keep at it, chances are the next time I make up a similar list, this item won't be on it.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't. And most importantly, remember to have fun!
- Karenika

PS: If you have any sparkling ideas, please email them to me at: karenika@wvu.org. Anything that worked for you might help another writer who's struggling, as well.