The Fine Line

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The Fine Line

Sherry French

Time! Time! Time!

The world of the writer is unique. The challenges and obstacles we face are often not the same as those of others in more traditional occupations. We walk a fine line between our real and imaginary (written) worlds, often feeling like we are performing a juggling act on a tightrope.

T-zero's FineLine column offers discussion and advice regarding the difficulties and struggles you face during the process of writing your lines.

Dear Fine Line,

I am trying to develop a career in freelance writing, which I love. It is starting to actually make an income, but at the moment it is far from enough to allow me to give up the steady income of my part time job (which I don't love). In the meantime, my husband works steady night shift. After packing our three children off to school every morning, I then leave for work before my husband even gets home from his job. I arrive back at the house just before the school bus and am involved in organizing their homework and after school activities for a couple of hours before starting dinner. My husband then gets up and we manage to have dinner and a couple of hours as a family before the kids go to bed. My husband and I then have another couple of hours, if we're lucky, before he leaves for work. By the time he leaves, I'm too exhausted to work on my writing. Now that I am getting a few writing assignments, I have deadlines and I find that I have to work on them after the children go to bed. My husband resents this as it cuts into the little bit of time we have alone with each other. He says our crazy schedules are making him feel unconnected to the family. Everything feels so hectic during the after dinner time, with kids squabbling and fitting in bath time and everything, and then I go on the computer. Weekends are spent preparing for the next week; cleaning, grocery shopping and laundry are all saved up and need to be done. All life feels like right now is work to him and I must admit, to me too. There just aren't enough hours in the day. Sometimes I think I should just give up on the writing dream although life would be pretty dreary without it. I know I have to do something. If not, something is going to fall apart and I don't want it to be my marriage.

Sincerely,

Don't Know What to Do in Ontario

Dear Don't Know What to Do,

Your life certainly does sound busy, but take heart in knowing that you are not alone. Raising children places large demands on your time. Added to that, the jobs that are necessary in order to financially provide for them, demand even more of it. It is easy to find yourself so busy with day to day life that some of the important things start to get neglected.

The first thing to do in this situation is analyze how your time is currently spent. Make a list of everything that needs to be done. No matter how insignificant the chore might be, add it to the list. It doesn't take too many five-minute activities to add up to an hour. You have already started this within the letter you have written, but it will be helpful if you get more detailed. This could be a project you can work on with your husband and you can make it fun. If you don't want to spend your limited together time working on it, a list could be posted on the fridge and you could make it a game with the object being to think up the most points to add. The problem has been identified, which is half the battle. Working together on a solution can be the first step towards feeling connected again. Once you have your list, you can start to attack it. Set your priorities together. Analyze the whole picture before making decisions on which changes to make. A few things to keep in mind:

Make sure that you both understand what your shared and individual goals are. Make sure that the many activities that you're both involved with do, in fact, move you in the direction of reaching your goals.
Look for ways you can make better use of your time. In the article, How Much is Too Much? Un-Overwhelm Yourself, freelance writer and editor Shellie Hurrle suggests that we need to learn how to say "No" sometimes and take care of ourselves. Click here to read the complete article.
Get outside help. Perhaps a teenager in the area can help out with the after school time a couple of times a week. Trading off scheduled after school play times with other parents can also free up some valuable time.
Think about changing the schedule. Possibly shifting some of the weekend activities to weekdays or nights will free up chunks of time you can put to better use.
Consider changing who does what in your family. Perhaps there are some chores that can be delegated to the children. Possibly there are things that you or your husband currently do that, by switching with each other, would free up more time.
Many families are now incorporating "family nights" into their weekly schedule. One night each week is devoted to doing fun activities together. One family I know takes turns choosing what the family activity will be each week. These can be customized to fit your family's needs and budget. Board games, movie nights, dinner out, shopping trips and many other things can be incorporated into family night. These special nights benefit all members of the family. Often, the fun shared and positive attitudes developed carry on throughout the week, making family interactions less stressful for parents.
Go out on dates. Many couples need to relearn how to date after having children. Friends of mine starting dating each other again when their oldest child was nine and they credit this with saving their marriage. The first Saturday of every month is their "date night" and they take turns each month planning a special date for one another. It was once suggested to me (by a childless friend) that married couples should go out on dates at least once a week. This often isn't feasible but, doing it monthly as my friends do, provides some quality adult time to look forward to.
Do little things that show one another that you're thinking of them when they aren't there. Leave little notes and other surprises from both yourself and the children for your husband to find when he arrives home to an empty house.
If it is difficult to find the necessary time for writing assignments, freelance writer, Lisa Beamer, suggests to,
break big tasks down into smaller, more manageable pieces, as they are less overwhelming that way. If you have a feature article to write, break it down into research, interviews, outline, first draft, etc.
To read the complete article, that gives seven additional time management tips specifically for writers, click here.

Whatever you do, work and make decisions together. Don't give up on your dreams but, if the decision needs to be made to put some dreams on hold while others are reached for, make these decisions together after carefully weighing all the options.

Good luck to you as you look for ways to balance your time on the fine line.

Do you have any comments or suggestions about this letter? Do you have a problem with some area of your writing life? FineLine would love to hear from you! Please direct your letters to FineLine@wvu.org putting the words "Fine Line" in the subject line.