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STARS

STARS is our way of showing off the talent displayed on the boards of our free fiction course. Each month we choose one lesson and search for the best posted assignment in each study group or classroom that follows the requirements of the lesson exactly. No easy task, I can assure you! Talent abounds and there is just sooo much to choose from. Students are asked for permission to submit their selected assignment to the editors of T-zero, receive feedback on their submissions from the editors and have a chance at seeing their assignment published on the pages of T-zero. While we certainly wish we could show them all to you, we think you'll enjoy the one assignment that really caught our fancy in the November session of Fiction 99. I think you'll agree, this STAR really shines!

Lesson of the Month: The Grand Finale! - Plot & Theme

Requirements: Write a complete story using an outlined plot structure that contains an opening conflict, at least two complications, a crisis and a resolution. Word count must fall between 500 and 1,500 words and follow an intended theme....Quite a challenge!

This Month's Selected Assignment:
TITLE: SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED

Posted by Dennis Phillips (aka Bruno)
DennisPhillips@compuserve.com

THEME: some men are reluctant to ask for directions, sometimes with embarrassing consequences.

WORD COUNT: 981 words

My best friend, Jackie McDermott, believes you'll never get anywhere if you're always stopping to ask directions. Take the other day when I walked into their kitchen and asked Phyllis where Jackie was.

"Jack's in the basement. Typical man - thinks he knows everything and won't read the instructions."

"Instructions? What's he doing?"

"He wants to assemble some computer before Jasper comes home from school, but he won't ask for help. See what you can do."

Thumping down into the basement, I found Jackie sitting on a rug cross-legged like a yogi. His salmon-coloured hair shone under the light fixture he had meant to screw back into the ceiling.

The room was warm from the red glow of an electric heater and a smoky fire was burning in the fireplace. The back end of a computer, pockmarked with unidentifiable slots and connectors, lay to his right. A monitor sat expressionless on his left. His shoulders were hunched over something in his lap, and when he stroked his head, I could see where the hair was thinning.

"Can I help you, Jackie boy? Phyllis says you're building a computer."

"Ah Jeez! You scared me Denny. I didn't hear you coming. Make a noise next time. No, not building it, Denny, just assembling one."

"You got all the parts? I'm talking about the computer, Jackie, not you." My wit is so fast it sometimes escapes others and I have to explain. "You get it? Got all the parts?"

"What the hell you talking about? Do something useful and get me a beer."

I walked over to the second fridge they kept in the basement. It used to be their first fridge, but Jackie fixed it and Phyllis wouldn't keep it in the kitchen after that.

I had a Molson Export. Jackie always keeps some Ex on ice just for me. Labatt's Blue was his favourite beer.

"You want a Blue?"

"What? Gimme a Blue will you, and bring me that screwdriver on top of the fridge."

I examined the top of the fridge. In addition to the screwdrivers, there were two candlesticks made from old tequila bottles, and a frozen-dinner tray filled with little glass acorns that turned out to be a mixture of screw-in fuses.

"Which one, the Robertson or the slot head?"

"Doesn't matter. I need to punch some holes in this stupid panel so I can get the wires through."

"I don't think you should be doing that, Jackie boy. Looks like a lot of those pointy solder things in that panel. Where's the assembly instructions?"

"Don't need 'em. Used them to start the fire. No darned good for that either. Little plasticky bits started melting." I glanced at the fireplace and saw where thin black smoke was coming from small globules that flowed like tiny rivulets of lava past the hearth and dropped smoldering unto the rug.

I brought him both screwdrivers. I knew whichever one I brought he'd need the other. This way I saved a trip.

"And get me the hammer."

Jackie worked away in silence for a few minutes. I sipped my beer and watched the patterns the lava was making in the rug. Jackie counted the pins in the plug heads and tried to match them to the holes in the computer slots. Even when he got the number of pins to match the number of holes, the plugs still wouldn't fit in the slots. Jackie tried using more force, but it wasn't until he noticed one side of the plug was slightly wider than the other and one side of the slot was slightly wider than the other, that the penny dropped and he was able to fit plugs into slots. He took out the tiny machine screws supplied with the computer and substituted more sturdy 3-inch bolts. I knew he was finished when he sighed the same sigh of satisfaction that master violin makers must have sighed when their masterpieces were ready for their first concert. Jackie made that same sigh of the master craftsman as he snapped the third prong off the power cord.

"OK Denny. I think we're ready. Plug in the extension cord."

I found the end of the extension cord under some packing material. Taking a sip of my beer, I surveyed the octopus plug that distributed the power from the sole electrical outlet in the basement. Dangling wires occupied all the available spots.

"Should I unplug the television or the electric heater?"

"Use your head, Denny. You think I want to watch television in the cold? Use that power bar on the floor and we can plug in five more things."

It was the work of less than a minute to plug in the power bar, plug in the extension cord, turn on the computer, turn on the monitor, pop the fuse and plunge the room into darkness.

With the foresight of one accustomed to these emergencies, Jackie clicked on the flashlight.

"Slip a bigger fuse into the box, will you?"

"No sweat. Swing the flashlight to the top of the fridge." I took a draw on my beer, and stumbling on some packing material, slid over to the fridge and selected the 30-amp fuse. "This should do the job. Swing the light over to the box."

I slipped on some rebars we'd been using to fix the TV and kind of rolled over to the fuse box.

Before screwing in the fuse, I wetted the metal end in my mouth so there'd be good contact.

"OK, fire her up."

Maybe if I'd used a different verb, things would have gone differently.

***

"I hope you're happy."

Phyllis didn't sound like she hoped any such thing. The firemen had long gone and Jackie and I had just finished mopping out the basement.

"Guess we'll have to re-wire the place, Denny. Should be easy now the wall studs are exposed."