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Healthy Horizons

Laurie Lupold

Ramblings!

I guess when you are a person diagnosed with dysthymia, a chronic form of depression, having this accompanied by bipolar is a blessing. You might wonder why I could bellow out such a statement. I'm about to tell you. Having established that dysthymia is a chronic form of depression, let me also add that one of the mood swings which bipolar bestows on me is depression. As you can see, that is quite a dose of negativity.

I can imagine you might be saying how sad this is for me but please don't feel that way, it's a blessing in disguise. I say so because this combination of mood disfunctions has allowed me to see life in its utmost beauty.

What others might take for granted, I hold close to my soul and grasp its depth and meaning. Then there are those few days when I reach what is called a manic stage. In most cases this is a feeling of euphoria but to me it is undeniable happiness. I have to admit I like these times better, though someone of higher knowledge might find these occurences to be unhealthy.

The only thing I have found to be a bit of a bother when I am experiencing the mania is I tend to get insomnia. After a couple days of that you can imagine that my body is pleading for mercy, but my mind is complimenting my successes. By successes I mean that when I am in a manic period I tend to write more fluently. I can't seem to get enough of it. In fact, I haven't slept tonight, to be perfectly honest and I'm not feeling all that drained thus far.

Being slightly intoxicated by the lack of sleep, I have to wonder if my writing will come out sensible or if I need a bit of a splash upside my head to make it appear more intelligent. Let's hope for my sake it is not the latter.

The one thing I guess I learned that made so much of a difference in my life was acceptance. That was the key. Along with that came the knowledge that I wasn't any of my illnesses, they were part of me. If we know of someone who has cancer we do not call him or her by that name or disparage them, thus we should not hold anyone in disregard. I am simply a 37 year old woman with multiple illnesses.

The accepting part is when the blessings begin because you quit depressing yourself over what is wrong and focus more on what is right. If we could all see the world in this context, wouldn't it be wonderful? As quoted in Morgan Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled, "Life is a series of problems". We have the ability to choose to either stress our minds, adding on to the problem or reduce the problem by reaching a substantial conclusion. In closing I'd like to quote one more passage, "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Laurie Lupold