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Healthy Horizons

Laurie Lupold

Real Life

I’ve been sitting here for hours in front of a blank screen trying to think of something to write. Truth is, I’m finding it very difficult. My son has court in the morning and from there he will be going away for the next year. My emotions are in a stir. I know I discussed a lot of this in my last column and please forgive me if I repeat myself, but I wanted to be sure to put out a column out this month even if it’s just an outcry over tomorrow’s events.

I’ve been sitting here going over the last fifteen years, finding it hard to grasp that it was that long ago my son was born. He wasn’t much of a crier, but when he let out a wail he demanded his way. Some things never change. He was ambitious, learned everything early and the hard way. Seems fitting that we are at the point that we are now. In the essence of it all he is charming, hard working, and comical. These don’t seem like the kind of qualities that you would find in someone who will be spending the next year in detention. Unfortunately, it is.

It wasn’t those qualities that got him to where he is. In fact, it is more than likely these qualities that have kept him out for so long. Unfortunately, along with these redeeming qualities a bad temper and low self-esteem follow. Since he was born he had an angry side. When he was an infant he held his breath until he passed out. As he got older his anger exposed itself in other ways.

It’s not that he set out to be a bad kid and in my opinion there is no such thing, he just mixed with the wrong people. Try as I could, I couldn’t convince him that these individuals weren’t friends. Not until they turned on him and then he raged against them which gave them exactly what they wanted, more charges and more time. These simple facts are what brought us to this day. This day which I hoped would never come.

People don't think of the costs when they allow themselves to let their anger control them. They don’t think of the effect on themselves as a result of it and they don’t think of the effect on their loved ones’. There is no thought, only action. We grow up knowing, or at least we do if we have had good teachers, that there are consequences for all of our actions.

Our consequences may be in the form of a reward or good thought if our actions were responsible and just, or our consequences may be harsh if we were responsible for ill doings. I’d like to think that I have been the type of parent that taught the differences in the two. I’d like to think that I was also supportive and caring, yet I know I might not have been as firm as I needed to be.

When I was young I was raised with a harsh hand. I wasn’t often supported. I tried to offer some sort of a balance to my children. I cannot make the judgement of whether I mixed the ingredients well and came out with the right recipe. I know I made mistakes. Parenting is a lesson in life which you never quit learning. As I look back, of course there are things which I regret but there are also many things I can look back on and feel confidence in.

If there is one thing I learned as a parent that I think my children could use well in life, it is this: Never be shamed by your mistakes but take responsibility for them. In my son’s journey which lies before him, I hope he will use this time not to find shame in what he has done but to find pride in who he is. He is a fine young man and he can become anything he chooses to be.

I hope my readership has not been offended by the usage of my column for my own personal gain these past two months. I’d like to think that I shared some valuable lessons from which you might gain something positive. In life we are given so many abilities but two are far more important than most: the ability to make mistakes and the ability to learn.

Thanks for reading. ‘Til next time, believe in your dreams and keep reaching for those Healthy Horizons.

Laurie