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T-zero Xpandizine
The Writer's E-Zine

 

Produced and published by the members of Writers' Village University since 1998    ISSN 1521-2639       
09 January 2009
Catherine's Kitchen The Writers' Ezine - T-Zero Xpandizine

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Catherine's Kitchen

Catherine Manning

Getting in a Pickle

THIS HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK, that's good as far as I'm concerned, but production is not as good as it should be, still it's only me and I can only do so much, especially as my car has been in and out of the shop. I will say here, it's not my car's fault, as far as I'm concerned, it's who has been working on it, so I've been having a fight. I sent it in for a fuel problem such as the fuel pump, and all of a sudden all sorts of other problems popped up, which I know never happened, so I've been at loggerheads with the garage.

However that has taken time when I should have been working on other things. It still isn't sorted out and I have got the car back but I'm not happy with it. One thing I do know is my car and no dopey mechanic can tell me how it's supposed to work, especially if they have never worked on it before, so I have an on going fight. I threatened to report them to Hyundai, so all hell has broken loose and they are coming up with all sorts of excuses which I know are lies. My brother touched the bonnet an hour after I had driven it and wanted to know why it was so hot. Just what I have been saying and they have been denying, so I told them they shouldn't try to teach their grandmother how to suck eggs (old bajan saying!) as they are young things and I am 58 years old and have been driving for 52 of them! I am now about to send them a nasty e-mail to confirm that they are idiots and if my car catches on fire, it's at them. Hope it doesn't though!

Apart from that, everything is normal. The column is late again and it will be short this month as they are is waiting on me.

I've been making a lot of Bread & Butter Pickles which are quite popular and easy to make. Natalie eats them by the spoonful or mixes them in salads. They are good with cheese as well.

BREAD & BUTTER PICKLES

Wash and thinly slice enough medium sized cucumbers to measure 16 cups, about 14 cucumbers. Thinly slice 6 medium onions, 1 green pepper, 1 yellow and 1 red pepper cut into strips. Combine in a large bowl and sprinkle with 1/3 cup of coarse salt. Mix in a tray of ice cubes and leave for three hours. I usually put the bowl in the fridge as they get colder. Drain well.

For the pickle,

  • 3 cups of white wine vinegar,
  • 5 cups granulated sugar,
  • 11/2 tsp turmeric,
  • 11/2 tsp. celery seed
  • 2 tbs. mustard seed.

Pour over the vegetables and bring to the boil only. Pack in sterilized jars and seal. They are supposed to be left for a month before eating, but that doesn't happen. I usually do this in two batches as the vegetables stay crisper. also for anyone who doesn't want to make so much, it can be cut in half.

The following is also a good recipe for pickled onions. It's a long but not difficult process and the onions are nice.

PICKLED ONIONS

  • 5 lbs. small onions
  • 4 cups granulated sugar
  • 2 tbs. pickling spice(whole)
  • 1 cups coarse salt
  • 4 cups white vinegar.

One quick way of peeling onions is to cover them with boiling water and let them cool, the skins slip off easily. Peel and discard water. Sprinkle with the salt, cover with boiling water and let stand for 24 hours. Drain, saving liquid and rinse. Reheat liquid to boiling and pour over onions. Repeat this process for 3 days then drain off liquid and rinse the onions well.

Bring sugar, vinegar and spices tied in a bag to the boil, pour over onions and leave for 24 hours. Repeat this process for 3 days, then drain onions and bring liquid to the boil. Bottle the onions, cover with the syrup and seal.

As I said lengthy but not difficult.

Another popular recipe is Banana Chutney, especially when mangoes are out of season.

BANANA CHUTNEY

  • 2 lbs./1kg bananas sliced
  • 1 lb/450 gr. onions chopped
  • 1 large green pepper, seeded and chopped
  • 6 oz/175 gr. raisins
  • 8 oz/225 gr. brown sugar
  • 1/2 tsp. paprika
  • 3/4 pt/450 ml. white vinegar

Mix all ingredients in a saucepan(non stick if possible). Bring to the boil, stirring constantly, reduce heat, cover pan and simmer for 11/2-1/34 hours. Stir from time to time to prevent sticking. Remove lid and simmer for a further 15 minutes till thick. Pot in warm jams, seal and allow to mature for a couple of weeks. This is good with curries or cheese.

I have 2 large buckets of cherries to deal with as they are gradually going bad, which is not good as they are scarce and I haven't been able to make cherry jam for months, so I had better get to them.

So till next time

Bon Appetit
Cath


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Fiction Short Story The Writers' Ezine - T-Zero Xpandizine

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Fiction Short Story

Betty Kreier-Lubinski

Just One Woman

Cousin Jefferson was different from other people. Even in our small town, growing up, Cousin Jefferson was considered a nerd. He trapped skunks for their bounty to help the family's farm income after his daddy died, and he always smelled slightly like his catch. He was tall, gangly, very serious, and he stuttered.

Despite all that, he grew into an ambitious young man with big plans, and he was continually expecting things to get better. When his family barn burned down, Cousin Jefferson was upbeat. "We are so lucky. We got all the animals out safely. Now we'll have a chance to build us a real barn, the way one ought to be built," and he went off to look for bargain lumber. That's just the way he was.

When Katie Jehnsen ran off to the big city two weeks before she was scheduled to marry Cousin Jefferson, he went right on putting the finishing touches on the house he was building and allowed, "It's not like there's just one woman left in the world. I guess I'll have to marry someone else."

And he did. Two weeks later the wedding went on as planned, only he married Laurie, Katie's younger sister, and seemed perfectly happy for it. Laurie and I were good friends, being the same age and living next door and all, and I'd known about Laurie's crush on Cousin Jefferson for years. Still, I was aghast when she called me on the phone, so excited she was screaming. "I'm going to marry Jefferson."

"You what?"

"He asked me. Last night he called me up and asked me, and I said yes."

"Laurie, are you sure? What'll folks think? Katie's only been gone for a week."

"I don't care what folks think, Patty. I love Jefferson, and I've always known he was meant for me, not Katie. It's about time he knew it, too. And Katie's dress fits me better than it fit her."

Whatever else you say about Cousin Jefferson, he definitely sees a half-empty glass as half full. The wedding was already planned, the house was almost finished, and Laurie was a pretty girl who'd make a fine wife.

It was a good five years before Katie stepped one foot back in Garretsville, and by that time Laurie and Jefferson had two children and a third on the way.

"The big city wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be," Katie told my mama her first night back. Her own mama had died when she was fourteen, and Katie always had borrowed mine whenever she wanted. Mama had told Katie she could stay with us for a few days. She sat in our kitchen and drank coffee, plain, black, just like regular folks do. "I never could get a taste for cappuccino," she said. "Nasty stuff. You know, I ran into more dishonest skuzzy men in town than I knew existed. Wasn't a one of them as interested in getting into my brain as they were into my panties."

"Laurie and Jeff are very happy," Mama warned. We all knew she wasn't really changing the subject.

"Laurie's put on a little weight, though, hasn't she? She looked a bit ragged at the edges when I saw her downtown on my way in. Jeff, though the extra weight looks good on him."

"Katie, let me warn you right now. Cousin Jefferson may have loved you once, but&"

"Don't worry. I don't think Jeff ever really loved me. He just thought it was time to get married."

"Nonetheless, I wouldn't take kindly to your interfering with their marriage in any way."

"Not me," Katie promised. "Not for one minute."

But Katie brought back with her an air of pizzazz like we hadn't seen anywhere but on TV, certainly not alive in our small town. She wore those spike-heeled naked looking shoes with her painted toenails showing and her perfume. Lordy, the smell made me feel like throwing up, but then I always did have a queasy stomach. I could tell it didn't have the same effect on the men who passed us in the grocery store. She wore the new styles with her belly button hanging out for all the world to see, and her shiny hair floating lazily in the breeze, like the hair color models on TV. She looked sophisticated, I'll tell you.

Laurie was worried. After all, it was her own sister, and she couldn't get away with ignoring that. "I have to invite her to dinner, don't I?" Laurie asked me.

"I wouldn't. You know as well as I do that what Katie wants, Katie gets."

"But I can't assume she wants my husband. After all, she ran away and left him."

"I sat right there in my mother's kitchen and heard her say she'd made a mistake leaving Garretsville."

"Patty, I feel so damned pregnant right now. I don't think I can compete. I have to have help tying my shoes, for heaven's sake. And my face is all blotchy."

"Don't invite her."

"She called me yesterday when she got into town. Said she wanted to meet my kids. I stalled her off by saying I was throwing up, which wasn't true but I knew she wouldn't want to be around the smell of vomit."

"Laurie, you're worrying too much."

"I know my sister. She just let me borrow Jeff. Now she probably wants him back."

It was true that Cousin Jefferson was more attractive than he'd been when Katie dumped him. Under Laurie's tutelage, he'd given up farming, skunk-trapping, and wearing overalls and manure- smelly shoes. He was now making a living reading meters for the electric company and expected a promotion any day. On his days off, he kept his hair trimmed, wore crisp jeans which fit snugly across his tight rear (if that kind of thing turns you on), and he didn't make dumb, irrelevant announcements to the world as he had in high school. In fact, he had lots of friends, and no one but me called him Jefferson anymore.

Laurie decided to solve her problem by throwing a coming home party for Katie and inviting all the single men in town, good-looking or not. Actually most of the town was invited, and the gathering would fill all the corners of their large comfy home and probably even spread to the back yard. Jeff and I both helped Laurie prepare all the fancy food although he commented, "You're really putting on the dog for your sis, aren't you, kid?"

"I just want her to have fun," Laurie said., "and for us to look good compared to the big city."

"Well, I don't want you working so hard. You gotta take care of this baby here," Jeff said, patting her bulging tummy.

"You take care of the other two, and I'll manage this one," Laurie said.

Laurie had bought a new dress for the occasion, but when she took time out from her food preparations to go put it on, she didn't come back. I finally went up to the bedroom to see what was keeping her. She was sitting on the bed, her bra hanging off one shoulder, a run in her nylons, and the new shimmery dress wadded up on the floor. Tears, mixed with dripping mascara, rolled down her face and her eyes were swollen.

"No matter what I do, I don't look good," she wailed. "I might as well wear my worn out jeans. Katie is going to look beautiful, and I look like an overstuffed cow."

"A pregnant overstuffed cow. Come on, now, what do you expect at eight month's pregnant?"

"Jeff has never really said he loved me in all the years we've been married." She swiped her hand across her face, making the mascara look more like war paint. I grabbed a Kleenex and started dabbing. The party was supposed to start in less than an hour, and I couldn't have my best friend greet her guests looking like last night's hangover.

"Jeff loves you," I said.

"Jeff has never said he loved me."

"Then it doesn't matter. You have enough love for the both of you. Laurie, come on. Jeff goes to work every morning and comes home every night, and he never looks twice at another woman. He even does the dishes every night. You want words, too?"

"Yes," she blubbered. "And romance. I thought when we got married, that he really did love me under all that absentminded stupidity, and that it was just a matter of time before he realized it. But I don't think he's ever going to realize it. He takes me for granted. I'm his wife, his newspaper, his kitchen, his dinner, and his comfortable chair to sit in. I'm not exciting. Just good old Laurie."

It took me the best share of forty minutes to calm her down and ten minutes to get that dress on her. She looked quite pretty in it, and when she went down to answer the door, Katie said so the minute she came in. "Laurie, sweetie, you look magnificent. You certainly are pregnant, aren't you?"

"I believe in keeping them barefoot and pregnant," Jeff said, coming up from behind. "That way, they won't run off to the city and leave me behind."

Typical Cousin Jefferson statement. He actually thought he was funny. Katie laughed, but Laurie's face turned stark white. Those words didn't sound much like "I love you."

"Gotta go check the food," she muttered, and fled to the kitchen.

"You idiot, Cousin Jefferson. You don't have a brain in your head." I glowered at him.

"Yes, I do," he answered with a grin. "Katie, I'm glad to see you because I've been wanting to thank you for running away from our wedding. I'm the luckiest man in the world, having Laurie for my wife. She's the only woman in the world for me."

Katie frowned, but I just shoved Jeff in the direction of the kitchen. "You stupid goof, go in the kitchen and tell Laurie that."

"I don't need to," he said. "She already knows."

"She needs you to tell her," I said. "And by the way, tell her you love her, too."

He did.


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Healthy Horizons The Writers' Ezine - T-Zero Xpandizine

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Healthy Horizons

Laurie Lupold

Petrified

Slipping through that dark tunnel once again.
Racing-
at a speed beyond my control.
My heart feels sore against my chest.
I'm suffocating.
Yet, I can't let go.

I don't know why I experience these power trips.
What their purpose is or if they'll ever end.
I do know they torment me.
They take strength from me,
I need to get through my day.

I feel as if I'm dying.
Yet wish that I were dead.
Anything is better than curling up to a good panic attack every night.
Life goes on though.
My heart quits beating now and then.
Metal hammers beat at it from the inside-
as it bleeds.

I plead but they continue.
I pray yet go unheard.
I refuse to make deals with the devil.
He probably came up with this anyway.
I go into the night unguided-
petrified my next breath may be my last.

I begin to shake-
now feeling cold.
I hug myself as the hours on the clock go slowly by.
No relief is found.
Soon it will be time to start another day.
Another night wasted.

A new day started.
My body's tense.
The anxiety is carried over to the day.
When will the end come?
Will my heart ever stop racing so?
Or will it simply cease to exist?

Days, weeks, months go by-
and I'm trapped in this pit of hell.
I look for the strength to go on each day.
I pray for the courage to survive.

Copyright © 2002 by Laurie Lupold


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Literary Lights The Writers' Ezine - T-Zero Xpandizine

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Literary Lights

Priscilla Fagan

Welcome to a new monthly column focusing on quotes and perhaps even wisdom from members of the writers' world who have become Literary Lights in their own name. This column will not teach you how to write, but, with any luck, will show you that through practice, self-doubt and dead ends, anything is possible.

Literary Lights will attempt to show you there are no rules or commandments. That one successful writer's opinion on a certain subject might offer an extreme difference of opinion from another. This will not be meant to confuse you, but to show you what works for one writer does not necessarily work for another.

We need teachers. And by reading other writers' novels, poetry, plays and writerly wisdom, we will learn to write in our own voice, style and name. So, let's start off June listening to what three Literary Lights think about their colleagues...and then decide for yourself.

"I've always had a feeling it's dangerous to be friends with a writer. You can end up talking away your books."
—Norman Mailer

"After suggesting [that young writers] look into The Writer's Chapbook I recommend they keep a diary, at least a page a day, and faithfully, and also to get into the habit of letter writing to other writers. The advantages that come with doing this seem obvious."
—George Plimpton

"There are other writers who would persuade you not to go on, that everything is nonsense, that you should kill yourself. They, of course, go on to write another book while you have killed yourself."
—John Gardner

Just to titillate some discussion I'm throwing in one more: a woman writer's POV on her colleagues.

"The fewer writers you know the better."
—Maeve Brennan

Oh there are many more opinions on this subject. I wanted to include Hemingway's but I thought by the time I replaced some words with the word "bleep," there wouldn't have been anything to read.

Until next month, I am once again, my friends...The Eternal Optimist.


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Poetics The Writers' Ezine - T-Zero Xpandizine

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Poetics

Glennis Hobbs

Poetry Reading Held North Of 54th Parallel

Ask a stranger what Flin Flon is synonymous with and you’ll either get the answer hockey or more lately legal marijuana. Add some enthusiastic poets and what do you get? The answer: a celebration of Canadian poetry.

This past February, a colleague of the Senior Poets’ Workshop (P123) asked what our group was doing to celebrate National Poetry Month. The Poetry Panel of T-Zero decided to do a two part feature on National Poetry Month (March and April issues). My part in this was to research the Canadian angle.

I started researching, not knowing what to expect, and was surprised to learn that not only was April was National Poetry month in Canada but that a great many events were planned to celebrate poetry. One of the panel members suggested that we include what was happening in our own area.

As far as I knew, nothing had planned for our city. Harry, my husband and fellow WVU member, and I discussed my research. We both agreed that it would be great to have some positive publicity about our city, rather than all the negative reports in out of town papers about marijuana, hockey or our isolation and lack of a Macdonald’s. We discussed the feasibility of holding a poetry reading in Flin Flon.

We then took the idea to the Flin Flon Writers Guild and received enthusiastic support. Guild members were not only willing but eager to read. We decided it to make it a celebration of Canadian poetry and to ask people to read either their own or other well-known Canadian poems.

We then approached Gretta Redahl, Library Administrator of the Flin Flon Public Library. She immediately offered the facilities at the library plus coffee and dainties. The reading date was set for April 25th.

Harry is a member of the local Toastmasters Club and approached the club. Their response was also enthusiastic. They agreed to supply not only readers, but also an MC.

With this commitment from three organizations, we contacted various members of the community to see if they would participate. Gerard Jennisen, our local Member of the Legislative Assembly was approached and he not only agreed to participate but had his poems picked out by the time he returned our call. Only the fact that the Legislature was discussing the provincial budget prevented him from attending. In all, we had representatives from ten different community organizations including the Norman Health Authority, the Community Choir, the Adult Literacy Center, the Ham Sandwich Drama Group, the Ministerial Association as well as members of the Writers Guild, Toastmasters and the Library Board.

As the date of the reading drew closer, we began contacting the media with our story. The Flin Flon Reminder ran a story on the reading and our local radio station CFAR also conducted an interview with Harry.

Mark Szyslo from CBC North agreed to interview us for his morning radio program. The day he phoned to tape the interview, things were proceeding beautifully. In the middle of the taping, our home renovator started up his power saw in the basement and drowned out the phone conversations. Luckily, all background noise was edited out.

Seventeen people took part in the reading. Over two-thirds of the readers chose to read their own work or the work of local poets. Flin Flon‘s Mayor Dennis Ballard and Saskatchewan poet Brenda Schmidt headed the list of local celebrities. Brenda read from her book A Haunting Sun. Toastmaster Bob Frazer, also Chairman of the Library Board, acted as MC and recited Robert Service’s "The Cremation of Sam McGee" to thunderous applause. MWG member Glenda Walker-Hobbs read from her forthcoming book City on the Rocks.

Glennis read from her forthcoming book City on the Rocks. A radio listener from The Pas heard Glennis being interviewed on the radio and liked the sound of her voice. She took her poem to The Pas Library and had it faxed to Flin Flon with the request that Glennis read her poem.

On behalf of the Writers Guild, Harry Hobbs presented Gretta Redahl with three books of Canadian poetry for the library in honour of National Poetry Month.

The whole evening was a testament to how cooperation between three different community organizations can bring about a successful celebration of poetry and National Poetry Month.

Mayor Dennis Ballard said that he always knew there was a lot of artistic talent in our community, but was amazed at the number of people who write poetry as well as the quality of the poetry read. People are already asking when the next reading will be held.

WVU’s philosophy is about writers helping other writers. WVU has given us an opportunity to meet with other writers all around the world and to share our love of writing. National Poetry Month not only gave us an opportunity to share our love of writing but to have fun doing it.


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Poetics Presents The Writers' Ezine - T-Zero Xpandizine

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Poetics Presents

Hetty Austen

Hetty Austen is 42, has been married for 19 years with two children. She is a housewife and company secretary for her husband’s IT consultancy practice. She lives in East Sussex, England. She hopes hoping to get her work published at some stage in book form and so she finds herself on an adventure!

WVU members look forward to reading more of Hetty’s work.

Block It Out

A rushing cavalcade of men, boots tramp down the iron grid
A featherless flock of death fills the skies
their blades 'whumping' in the air, like huge birds of prey.
Excitement, adrenaline run through us

Eyes bright, teeth bared in a grin
Backslaps, handslaps; brotherhood of men.
Block it out, block it out, block it out...

Virgin rifles slung on our backs, boots shine like mirrors.
Confidence courses through our veins
Muscles taut from endless training - Oh band of happy men!

"I would die for you, I will rescue you, I won’t leave you here"

Words like a mantra chant through our heads
As we start our tour of duty
Block it out, block it out, block it out.

In the grass, through the trees, we watch each other’s backs
Like obedient dogs to the master
Who will keep us safe, keep us alive
Competing with each other in our naivety
Talk of home, of jobs, of lovers - of who will get the spoils of war
Remembering mother’s face filled with worry, reveille and muscles in pain
Block it out, block it out, block it out.

BAM! The world explodes BAM! BAM!
Bullets like fireflies in the dark whistle past our ears, over our heads.
The earth rises in great clumps around us
Bodies like ninepins suddenly collapse - eyes vacant, limbs severed.
Go right, go left, run, stay down - which way to turn, which way, which way?
A split second twixt life and death.

Block it out, block it out, block it out

Back home, a cheer for the battleworn hero
Everyone begs us to tell our story
Everyone thinks we’re covered in glory

Life’s problems seem so small
Innocence gone, forever
And I know that for the rest of my life
I must try to
Block it out.

Copyright © 2002 by Hetty Austen


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Poetics Presents

Joan Myers

For Joan Myers crafting words is a Passion. She is a history buff, a wonderer, and a member of Foothills Writers of Mt, Pleasant, PA. She has been published in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette and won an honorable mention in the Westmoreland International Short Story Contest.

WVU members look forward to reading more of Joan’s work.

Hair ­Unaware

Was it there when I kissed my husband goodbye this a.m.?
Dark and daring.
Was it there as I sat through morning briefing?
Proud and shouting.
Was it there at luncheon with my boss?
Stiff and preening.
Was it there when I did my presentation?
Aloof and scheming.
Was it there when I met my child's teacher after school?
Curled and amusing.
Was it there when I had dinner with my in-laws?
Precious and spewing.
It's there on my chin in the bathroom mirror tonight!
I'm sure no one noticed?
Please, God!

Copyright © 2002 by Joan Myers


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Fiction Short Story

Burr T. Allen

The Write of Murder

There was a scent of pollen in the crisp morning air of the foothills. Spring buds were on the trees. The meadow grass was pale in variegated green, the light greens of sun-starved growth. I felt the give of the newly thawed earth beneath my step.

I walked aimlessly up the slope of a hillock, admiring the vista in its winter garb. The mountaintops were like fountains of white oil paints spewing forth in constantly changing hues in their cascade down the mountain slopes.

My thoughts were distracted from the troubles I had left behind. I had wiped them from my mind. I couldn’t see the blood from the murders, or the lady’s shadowy figure running from the lounge, that haunting familiar figure that both repelled me, and awakened an animal instinct deep inside. I knew her, I knew her as someone else though, not a cold-blooded murderer.

I left the office late last evening, just after the murders. I had been walking ever since midnight. I was maybe twenty miles into the foothills. With the coming of dawn, the never-ending spring clouds had cleared. I was relaxing in the beauty that surrounded me. The murders were far from my mind.

A shadow, small at first, rapidly grew as it crossed the meadow.

There was an explosion of wings in front of me. Startled, I saw a chicken hawk hop twice and then I could almost feel his efforts as he pumped his wings to climb back into the sky. He had a black snake in his talons, its largeness weighing heavy on the hawk’s flight.

I watched as he struggled to gain rhythm in his awkward flight, ever climbing higher until he was a dark spot with a dangling tail in the sky. A separation occurred. The snake fell rapidly to the earth, the hawk following it in short lazy circles. His noon meal lay dazed on the ground, a predator soon to submit to being the prey.

Another hawk joined the feast. I was mesmerized by the age-old ritual of the food chain. One dead and two feasting, surviving to kill again.

My mind swiftly returned to the murders. The woman shot in the face, blood splattering her white blouse, the impact of the bullet sitting her back into her chair as blood pulsed from where her nose had been. Red hair and blood stuck to the wall behind her in a kaleidoscope’s pattern.

The man stood quickly. Another shot exploded from the gun. He bent with a jerk, clutching at his crotch. His face twisted. He looked up only to receive a bullet to the face, and teetered like a plastic toy he tumbled slowly to the floor, face down. A spasm racked his body, while a pool of blood grew around his head.

The shooter turned the gun back to the lady. Blood had soaked her blouse. Her head hung limp, chin on her chest. The blood had darkened. It ceased to flow from her once attractive face.

The shooter emptied the gun into the dead lady’s belly. Each of the five shots made the body jerk, then bend a little forward until, on the last shot, the body, on the edge of the chair, recoiled once more to the impact. The final recoil caused her to fall forward, face down, to the floor.

There was a hollow silence in the lounge, as if all life had stopped, for what seemed to be an eternity. The silence was broken by a piercing scream from one of the female patrons. It seemed to awaken the shooter. She looked around like a chicken pecking for seed. A collective gasp washed over the lounge. The shooter then turned and rushed out the door.

All my worries came flooding back. My protagonist was dead in the fifth chapter. How? Just how was I going to finish my novel?


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Signs of Life The Writers' Ezine - T-Zero Xpandizine

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Signs of Life

Nancy L. Horner

No Smoking in the House

My entire home reeked as I sat at the computer with the windows thrown open, typing a letter to friends to remind them to check their smoke detector batteries. Earlier in the afternoon, as I rested with the bedroom door closed to block out the sound of cartoons, 10-year-old William decided to warm up a leftover hamburger.

Unfortunately, he set the microwave to cook for five minutes rather than the usual 20 seconds. By the time he came to knock on the closed bedroom door, the entire house was filled with smoke—with the exception of my bedroom—and the former hamburger had an East Coast, all-black look that gave new meaning to the word "char-broiled."

We rushed around, throwing open windows and turning on fans, then I sent William outside to keep him from breathing the smoke into his tender pink lungs. I followed to take a breath of fresh air and then returned to open a few more windows.

I had a fleeting thought when all that smoke was filling the house and I was dashing around, coughing and throwing open windows: "Where's Squad 51 with the oxygen when you need them?" That night, I dreamed about Johnny and Roy. Unfortunately, they were not giving me oxygen... they were buying groceries and then Kevin Tighe collapsed with a heart attack in the parking lot and I had to give him CPR. So much for dreams.

While we dashed around, the cats were freaking out. Here were their humans, running around like lunatics, throwing open windows and turning on ceiling fans while this nasty smell invaded their little nostrils. They were leaping around looking like, "What the hell do the felines do?" But, they didn't follow us out the door, which is really kind of horrible when you think about it. Poor little kitty lungs. Good thing cats are low to the ground.

The frightening part of this dead cow fiasco, as it turned out, was that not a single smoke detector sounded during the time the house was filled with smoke. We have four of them, scattered from just outside the kitchen to the end of the hallway outside our bedroom door. I was a little baffled as to why none of our smoke detectors went off.

Later that evening, my husband made a confession as we stood talking to a friend. "I may have borrowed a few 9-volt batteries," he said. He cringed, as if he was afraid I'd hit him. "It's the one place I know I can always find them."

Good grief. I sent the evil battery-snatcher out to get new smoke detectors to replace the nonfunctioning ones and the next day I bought a serious supply of 9-volts.

Meanwhile, messages from friends began to pour in, stories of flaming cheese toast and closed fireplace dampers. "No smoking in the house, Nancy!" My friend Greg joked.

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny," I replied. But it was nice knowing we weren't the only family who had carelessly filled a house with smoke.

A week after our smoke disaster, William was digging in the refrigerator an hour before suppertime. "Put that biscuit back and wait for your supper!" I insisted. Ignoring me, he rustled around and extracted a cold biscuit after I left the room. He peered around the corner with a goofy grin on his face. "Um, how long should I cook this biscuit?" he asked.

I looked at William and sighed. "Try 15 seconds," I said. I figured I'd rather let the child spoil his supper than have him fill the house with smoke, again. Of course, he already knew that. The giggles sort of gave him away.


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Travel Writing

Perley-Ann Friedman

10 Types of Travel Articles You Can Write

There are almost as many types of travel articles as there are types of people that travel. This variety provides a full range of possibilities for all writers, whatever their style. There are two distinct styles of travel articles: factual and creative non-fiction that focuses on the writer's perceptions and experience. Within these two styles there are 10 major types of articles.

The Factual Style of Travel Writing

  1. Destination Specific. This very traditional style of travel writing is known as the travel guide. It contains factual information about a destination such as a country, city, or area. Travel guides contain information about major attractions, accommodations, restaurants, night life, transportation, culture, and other relevant information, often including rates, hours of operation, and contact information. Most of the information in this type of article is a compilation of many hours of time-consuming research, as well as (but not necessarily) travel to the destination itself. The information is timely and must be updated regularly. This reference-type of information is valuable when you are making your travel arrangements as well as while you are on a trip. Many travellers carry a travel guide and make constant reference to it. Examples of this type are: Lonely Planet, Rough Guides, Frommer's, and Insight Guides.

  2. Event Specific. This type of travel writing is similar to the destination-specific type but it focuses on an event. It details factual information about the event and where it is held, including the attractions, accommodations, restaurants, and other information specific to the event and the area. This type of writing is extremely timely; publications begin planning for it from six months to a year in advance. The information is gathered through extensive research, interviews, and an analysis of past writing of the same nature. Examples of this type have titles like: "The Beijing Olympics 2008," "Super Bowl Weekend 2002," "Queen's Jubilee Celebrations," "Christmas 2002 in New York," and other such annual and one-time events.

  3. Subject/Theme-Specific. Subject/theme-specific travel writing is similar to the destination-specific type, but it focuses on a subject or theme such as golf, diving, camping, trekking, amusement parks, and heritage sites. Often these pieces deal with more than one destination within the same geographic location. Examples of this type are: "Golfing in New England," "Diving in the Philippines," "Trekking in Nepal," and "Riverboats of the Mississippi."

  4. Reporting. This type of piece reports on an issue related to a destination, detailing and explaining the various aspects of the issue without supporting or rejecting any one side. It is a very factual journalistic approach. Issues dealt with include the environment, politics, geography, history, and economics. The writer doesn't necessarily need to travel to the destination, but would need a thorough understanding of the issue and be familiar with the destination. Much of the information for the piece would come from research including interviews with experts on the issue.

  5. Service (or Sidebars). Service or sidebar travel writing is usually in bullet point or summary form, displayed in graphic boxes. It provides precise information, such as addresses and phone numbers of hotels, restaurants, golf courses, beaches, and the like. Sidebars often accompany creative non-fiction travel articles. The information is gathered through extensive, timely research.

The Creative Non-Fiction Style of Travel Writing

  1. Travelogue. This journal or diary approach describes what the writer experienced on the trip. It can be a day-by-day description or it can just include highlights or a single aspect of the trip. The writer's perceptions, impressions, and comments are of prime importance in this type of piece, allowing the reader to tag along on the trip as an "armchair traveler." The writings of Bill Bryson and Paul Theroux are excellent examples of this type of writing.

  2. Adventure. Adventure travel writing describes doing something unique. Differing from the travelogue or the theme types above, the piece focuses on a specific activity, describing it fully, including background information and preparations along with an in-depth description of the experience from the writer's perspective. Examples of this type are pieces with titles like: "Surviving the Trek to Everest Base Camp," "Swimming with Sharks in Belize," and "Over Kenya in a Hot-Air Balloon." Factual information is often included in sidebar format.

  3. Personal Experience. This type of piece centers on something that happened to the writer at a destination. It could be about a chance meeting, an event, even about a good or bad experience. The writer describes the experience in the first person, detailing thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. Often these pieces have very little description of the destination as the focus is on the writer's experience. Examples of this are pieces with titles like: "Meeting Royalty in London," "Sushi in Moscow," and "Kindred Spirits found on the Great Wall."

  4. Inspirational. Inspirational travel writing takes the travelogue, adventure, or personal experience a step further by incorporating a spiritual message or the motivation for change as experienced by the writer. These pieces are often found in publications geared towards lifestyle modification and self-help as well as in religious publications.

  5. Essay. Similar to the Reporting type of travel writing described earlier, this type covers an issue relating to a destination, but it is written from the writer's point of view. The issue is presented along with the writer's theories, views, and conclusions. These editorial or opinionated pieces are often found in international or news-type publications and written by well-known personalities, respected statesman, and accredited experts in the field.

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Writing about it

Perley-Ann Friedman

How To Make Money Off Your Summer Vacation By Writing About It

Summer vacations are for getting away from the drudgery of our daily routines, exploring new places, experiencing new things, getting closer to our families and friends...and providing a great opportunity for any writer to cash in at the same time. No matter what type of vacation you take, whether it's a week camping with the kids, visiting a different country, taking the in-laws to the beach, taking up a new sport or indulging in a favorite one, there's a whole range of freelance possibilities available for the writer in you.

Writing about a summer vacation is an excellent way for a novice to break into the freelance market, as well as a way for an established fiction writer to get their feet wet with creative non-fiction. You can provide a factual overview of your destination for a travel-guide publication, assess the impact of tourism in the area for a magazine focusing on environmental issues, or take a creative approach by describing your experiences and impressions as in the writings of Bill Bryson and Paul Theroux. You can even pick an aspect of your trip and produce a marketable article for a special-interest or theme magazine like Beaches, Golf and Travel, or Gourmet. The choice is yours.

With a bit of planning and preparation, you can help pay for your vacation and take advantage of your writing passion in the process. There are three phases to writing about your vacation, which take place before, during, and after your trip.

Phase I: Before You Go -- The Research Phase

All you need to begin is to know where you are going. Then you need to research all aspects of the trip from how you are going to get there, where you are staying, deciding your budget, and deciding what you will do. You have to do this even if you aren't preparing for an article. The difference here is that you must record everything, including the choices you don't make: the hotel room that was too expensive, the flights that had rotten connections, and the events that were sold out. These are important details that you may opt to use when you are writing your article.

Your research needs to include as much information as possible about the area, accommodations, attractions, hours of operation, entrance fees -- anything and everything. All this factual information is boring and mundane, but necessary. Some of it may end up being discarded, but you won't decide what is important until later, depending on your article. Be sure to do some background research on the destination. Learn about the history, the culture, recent events, and the type of tourists that are attracted to the area. Find out if the campground caters to seniors, was it the site of a major Civil War battle, what famous personalities live there, whether any special items are produced there. These tidbits can add sparkle and uniqueness to your article.

You also need to research publication possibilities to get an idea of where you should focus your attention, and to send out some queries before you go. If the area is famous for golf courses, you could query the golf magazines and newsletters. Gourmet and health magazines are always looking for location-specific articles, which you may be able to deliver. If you're heading to the coast, you may be asked to review a few seafood restaurants, attend an innovative cooking demonstration, or visit a fitness expo. Now that the baby boomers are into middle age, there is a growing market for articles focusing on activities for seniors like art workshops, musical productions, and spa resorts. A general query may result in a request for an article focusing on a specific aspect of your trip or on a special event. You may not receive any responses before you leave, but at least you will have some good insight into the market and what you should look for when you are away.

Phase II: During Your Vacation -- The Record-Everything Phase

Keep a journal of your trip that includes everything you do, see, feel, smell, touch, and think. Even if you don't want to write an essay-type article, this information will help you remember what happened. Take lots of pictures, as you may be able to submit a few of them with your article. Try to include comments about each picture in your diary so that you can accurately identify them later; we often forget the details of exactly when and where pictures were taken after they are developed.

Make a special effort to talk to everyone -- doormen, taxi drivers, waitresses, and the like. Find out what other tourists are doing and get their comments. Ask to speak to the manager of the hotel, theme park, or golf club and conduct a mini-interview to find out as much as you can about their venue. And don't forget to interview your family and friends. Find out how they feel, whether they're enjoying themselves, and any impressions they have. All of this is valuable information that can be quoted in your article. Be imaginative and think of ways to speak with others, even involving your family and friends in the process. You can ask your children to talk to others their age. An eight- year-old will say one thing to an adult and have an entirely different comment for a peer.

Don't forget to notice everything around you. Were there many tourists? Were the hotels full? Did you have long lines at the theme park? How many golf courses were in the vicinity? How easy was it to rent a boat? All this information may be valuable later. Also make notes about your own thoughts and feelings. Were you exhausted at the end of the day? Was the food good? Did you feel safe? Were you ever frightened? Did you fall in love? Discover a new interest? All these details will help spark ideas for your article.

Phase III: When You Get Home -- The Assessment, Query & Writing Phase

Give yourself a day or so to get back to normal, then review your trip diary and the notes you made before you went away. Does anything stand out? Is there an overall theme or impression? You now need to assess your trip and come up with an idea for an article, especially if you haven't had any queries accepted yet.

You can always write a factual overview of the destination. This is the most common type of travel article that is found in magazines, newspapers, e-zines, and community publications. Editors are always looking for something unique, a new way to look at a destination, an angle that hasn't been done before. Reflect carefully on your trip -- something special is sure to stand out. Maybe it will be a "how-to" idea, like how to keep your kids entertained in long lines, how to vacation with in-laws, or how to bond with your teenager at the beach. Write down all your ideas (even the bad ones).

Now think about them, making notes on how you would write the article. Are any viable? Do some market research to find suitable publications, and query your ideas. If you can't get any good article ideas, find a publication that handles travel articles and study their writer's guidelines. Come up with an idea based on these guidelines, and query your idea. The key here is to query as many publications as you can; something is bound to take seed in an editor's mind. Remember that community newspapers and bulletins are always looking for local contributors, making them a perfect break-in market for the unpublished writer.

While you're waiting for query replies, start writing your articles using your notes, diary, and pictures. It could take a few months to get replies, and by then it may be difficult to write your articles. Drafting them shortly after your trip, when the experience is fresh in your mind, will eliminate the effort of trying to bring back the experience later when your idea is accepted. You can always revise your article, taking into account the editor's request for a specific angle or tone; this is much easier than writing the whole article in the winter when you're focusing on Christmas or planning a ski weekend.

Don't despair if none of your queries are accepted. In a few years that singer you saw at the county fair may be the next Britney Spears or Garth Brooks. Think of the great article you will be able to write: "Success Was In The Air."


Perley-Ann Friedman is a management consultant and a freelance travel and fitness writer who has succeeded in combining her career with her passions for other cultures and distance running. She has traveled and worked throughout Southeast Asia, China, Europe, and North and South America.


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Writer’s Read

Wynelda Shelton

New Cardiff
by Charles Webb
Washington Square Press 2001
ISBN 0-7434-4416-7
$14.00 U.S.

I recently picked up a book at the library solely because of its cover. An apparently naked man is holding a huge maple leaf (large enough to cover him from shoulder to knee). Across the top of the book is a red banner that declares "Bestselling Author of THE GRADUATE" [sic]. I knew of "The Graduate." It was a movie, right? It was also a play? But I had never heard of Charles Webb, let alone known that he had written the book that the movie was based on.

I settled into this book so firmly that I was halfway through it before I realized that it was almost completely dialogue. I didn’t even notice it on my own. I put down the book to answer the phone, and when I picked it back up I noticed the reviews inside the front cover. "Charming... It is almost all dialogue, dialogue of such naturalistic pithiness that one seems to hear it in the mind’s ear… uncloyingly romantic and witty" was quoted from The Spectator. I agreed whole-heartedly with the review. The dialogue is so natural that reading "New Cardiff" feels almost like an act of eavesdropping. What I want to know is: how’d he do that?

The credits list seven other novels or books to Charles Webb’s name. That is a lot of writing, even without adding in false starts and items that never sold. Was he able to accomplish this feat through practice? By the tenacity of writing words over and over until writing became second nature?

Or is it pure talent? Can you really teach yourself to write dialogue naturally enough to carry through a whole novel? Maybe he has an innate sense for dialogue. Perhaps he has talent oozing through his fingertips. Or maybe his talent gave him the confidence to pull off something so audacious.

More likely it is a combination of the above two things with a hefty dose of good editing skills. The good news is that being active at Writers' Village University helps us to hone our own writing combinations. Practice comes through our classes, our interaction in the Study Groups. Editing skills come through both giving and receiving feedback. Confidence is shored up every time we complete an assignment or post to a Study Group.

Reading a book like "New Cardiff" can be rewarding. Engrossing enough to mask one of the writing techniques that define the book, it is inspiring. That’s what I want to do. Not that I want to write a novel that is almost all dialogue, like Webb. But like Webb, I want to reel the readers in and keep them hooked.

To do that, I’ll have to have faith in myself. And of course, practice, practice, practice!

THE END


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Writer to Writer

Rie Sheridan

Why Is Marketing Important?

I've harped on the importance of marketing before, but it was just hammered home to me how important it is when I got my first quarter royalty statement on my fantasy novel. I had been anticipating this moment for months. My book came out so late fourth quarter of last year, that the teensy-weensy size of the amount was expected ... but I had bought 100 copies of my book that would be on this quarter, and I was dreaming of the ways I would spend my huge royalty check. Only it wasn't. In fact, according to the records, I have only sold seven other paperbacks since January. That was a real jolt. I thought that I had done quite a bit of promotion. But apparently, it was ineffective.

As I say, it was a rude awakening. It isn't enough to join lists and use a signature line with a link to the book. It isn't enough to place an occasional banner ad. You've got to attack the marketing plan just like you would if you were a major corporation. It's the only way to succeed. I think.

In despair, I turned to a marketing guru I know who has taken his Celtic duo from obscurity to the top of the mp3.com World/Folk list in less than two years -- by sheer strength of his marketing prowess (though the fact that they are fabulous doesn't hurt anything.) He gave me some hints on where to start. First is to revamp the old website (which I was planning on anyway) to focus its impact. Marc recommends having no more than five pages in the site. Keep it targeted to what is being sold. He also gave me some business weblists to join. And the title of a book on e-marketing that I plan to check into ASAP.

The point: getting the book written is the easy part for someone who is really "meant" to write. But once it is written and published, resting on your laurels only gets you personal satisfaction. If you want to make money at this business, you have to get out there and Sell, Sell, Sell! I'll keep you all apprised of how the new marketing strategy goes.


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Submissions Guidelines (Updated)

Until further notice, only plain text submissions in the body of the email will be considered.
NO ATTACHMENTS.

What We Pay For

Fiction: Stories should be of interest to writers in general, not just a narrow group.

Fiction should be submitted to fiction@thewritersezine.com. Payment starts at $15.00.

If considered for publication, you will be asked to return an email agreement including your name and address.

Craft Features: Queries about Craft features should be sent to nonfiction@thewritersezine.com.

Payment starts at $15.00, and, if considered, you will be sent an email agreement to fill out and return.

Poetry: Due to the large number of recent poetry submissions, a temporary hold on further poetry submissions is in place until early 2008.

Please do not email us to ask what we pay for in other categories. When we can add to our list, we will include it in these guidelines.

What We Publish

Original short fiction, poetry, and non-fiction, particularly non-fiction related to the craft of writing and interviews.

For fiction we prefer something with a plot and resolution. If we like the main character, we are more likely to accept the story. If the main character has a problem to resolve or has to make a choice, that's conflict, and we love conflict! Too many writers confuse conflict with fight scenes. Don't be one of them. Give us a protagonist who acts, makes choices no matter how hard they are to solve his or her dilemma, not a wimp who drifts along and has to be rescued.

Non-fiction should be related to the craft of writing or be good resource material for writers. Accuracy and originality are vital. No reprints. If it has already been published somewhere else, our readers will spot it and let us know.

What We Won't Publish

Anything that inspires "hate," is defamatory or is pornographic.

Simultaneous submissions.

Material that has appeared elsewhere (reprints).

Seasonal material submitted during the same month (i.e., a Christmas story in December). Our lead time is short compared to print publications, but we do need time to edit, html and proof submission. A good guideline is to submit the manuscript by the first of the preceding month (i.e., submit a Christmas story before November 1st).

Length Recommendations

  • For Fiction, under 1500 words is preferred. We will consider excerpts from longer works.

  • Poetry should fit on one printed page if possible. A maximum of five poems may be submitted at one time (when the hold is lifted).

  • Non-fiction or Craft features have the most leeway in word count. In general these manuscripts should be 750 to 2,000 words. We like to take advantage of the hypertext capabilities we have available and link to charts, graphs, lists and so forth. Thumbnail versions may be included in the body of the article.

Rights

All rights other than first electronic, non-exclusive 'anthology' (for collections of T-Zero: The Writer's Ezine works only), and non-exclusive archival rights (we keep back issues online) are and remain the sole and exclusive property of the author.

Formats We Will Accept

Plain text in the body of an email.

T-Zero: The Writer's Ezine is an HTML publication. This gives us access to a variety of options but it is also a limiting factor.

  • Underlining is used exclusively for links in HTML. Please do not underline in your manuscript. It you are including a link to a webpage for reference, please mark the link the following way: (WEB LINK) http://thewritersezine.com (END WEB LINK).
  • The less than (<) and greater than (>) signs are used to enclose HTML encoding. If you need to use brackets, please use the square [ ] ones instead.
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  • Fonts need to be simple. No multiple fonts. We prefer standard fonts such as Times New Roman, Courier or Arial set at 12 point. If your subject matter requires something else, ask us first.
  • The curly (smart) quotes, apostrophes, the em dash (two hyphens together) and ellipsis … (three periods) become strange and exotic characters when copied from your word processor into email. Check your preferences or options to see if you can use straight quotes. 
  • Text formatting such as bold, italic, centering, bullet list, etc., should be noted in the text by using all caps in parentheses. For example, if you wanted to italicize the word submission, you would type: (ITALICS) submission (END ITALICS).

Editing

We expect you to run spell-check and to check your grammar and punctuation before submitting. We will not reject a submission for a few typos or errors, but will if there are an excessive number of errors.

Note: Since our reading audience is international, we do not require a specific version of English. Use the spelling appropriate to your region.

We will automatically correct obvious typos such as “ton” for “not” and may correct simple agreement problems. For anything beyond that, time permitting, we will return the submission to you with a request for corrections.

Getting to Know You

Fiction and Craft features published in T-Zero: The Writer's Ezine include brief third person biographical notes on the writers. For all submissions, please compose your own bio and include it to save our editors and yourself time later if/when your piece is accepted for publication. We suggest sharing a little about your background, occupation, geographical location and what inspired your story.

How and Where to Submit

We do not accept submissions via US mail. Email submissions only, to the appropriate department, in the body of the email. No attachments accepted.

Fiction should be sent to fiction@thewritersezine.com.

Craft Non-fiction should be queried first. Send query to nonfiction@thewritersezine.com.

Poetry: Due to the large number of recent poetry submissions, a temporary hold on further poetry submissions is in place until early 2008.

Include the type of submission (fiction, non-fiction) in the subject line.

Be sure to include your name and email address in the body of the email.

If you do not receive an acknowledgement that your submission or query was received within a week, please send a follow-up query with “Did you Receive?” in the subject line. In the body of the email, please include your name and email address, the title of the work submitted, and if different, the email address sent from. Do not resend the submission unless we request it.

Good luck!


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Copyright 1998 - 2007, Writopia Inc. All Rights Reserved

 

© Copyright 1998 - 2007, Writopia Inc. All rights reserved