Petrified

Slipping through that dark tunnel once again.
Racing-
at a speed beyond my control.
My heart feels sore against my chest.
I'm suffocating.
Yet, I can't let go.

I don't know why I experience these power trips.
What their purpose is or if they'll ever end.
I do know they torment me.
They take strength from me,
I need to get through my day.

I feel as if I'm dying.
Yet wish that I were dead.
Anything is better than curling up to a good panic attack every night.
Life goes on though.
My heart quits beating now and then.
Metal hammers beat at it from the inside-
as it bleeds.

I plead but they continue.
I pray yet go unheard.
I refuse to make deals with the devil.
He probably came up with this anyway.
I go into the night unguided-
petrified my next breath may be my last.

I begin to shake-
now feeling cold.
I hug myself as the hours on the clock go slowly by.
No relief is found.
Soon it will be time to start another day.
Another night wasted.

A new day started.
My body's tense.
The anxiety is carried over to the day.
When will the end come?
Will my heart ever stop racing so?
Or will it simply cease to exist?

Days, weeks, months go by-
and I'm trapped in this pit of hell.
I look for the strength to go on each day.
I pray for the courage to survive.

Copyright © 2002 by Laurie Lupold