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Healthy Horizons

Laurie Lupold

Triumph Over Tragedies

Ever since I can remember I've had to prove myself and according to all accounts failed. My parents put a lot of pressure on me to be the best in school and even when I did my best, I was confronted with grave disappointment because I hadn't done better. To be honest there were only two classes I liked, Chorus and English. I passed the other classes but that wasn't good enough for my parents.

I wanted to sing and write but never planned on making a living out of being a singer, I was too shy a kid for all that glamour, except for writing. Now that was where I really could shine. I wrote about my life mostly, much of it sad. I grew up in a home with two alcoholic parents and there was a lot of abuse within those walls. I wouldn't let it get to me too much though; I'd take my journal, go up on the hill and write my thoughts. That got me through.

In my younger years I started to drink heavily too. I was ten, I think, when it started. I was in pain and drank to forget. I never put down that pen though. My dream never died, I was going to be a writer. Determination was my best friend. I guess being bullheaded is one of my better qualities. Ha, ha!

I left home at a very early age; it was safer for me then remaining there. Like many teens I made my share of mistakes. My writing suffered some during my rebellious years. As I slowed down with the wild times, my writing improved. I even found myself writing songs.

My biggest problem was I was still a little girl trying to get my parents' approval and I just wasn't ever going to get it. They wanted a doctor, a lawyer, secretary, nurse, etc. A writer, to them, was just some stupid dream and in reality it just didn't happen.

I went to their school as they asked. They were supposed to bring me home for Christmas but they canceled. My sister invited me but that visit was cut short and I returned to school. Feeling really depressed I let this boy take advantage of me and ended up pregnant.

In the end, I guess it doesn't matter anymore who decided that my son was to be given up for adoption. I write to him sometimes in poetry and letters and display them on the web so that he might see them one day. That was another tough obstacle but I grew up a lot after having him.

I calmed down for a few years and was with my ex-husband for almost a year and a half. What can I say? He liked my best friend better. That shattered my whole happily-ever-after theory. I met the man who became my girls’ father but he wasn't good for me. Without going into detail, let's just say that eight years with him cured me of him and alcohol.

I'm now a recovered alcoholic. That's something I'm very proud of. Not only has that part of my life taken shape, but my writing has improved as I go on. I'd like to think it has touched many people and I hope to reach out to many more. That is my goal.

Thinking about it now, I'm not a failure at all. I have more than some people. I have kids that sometimes drive me insane but I love them to pieces. I have a boyfriend, who isn't always as perfect as I think he should be, but he tries damn hard and he is there most of the time to listen when I am going through the rough times, which are many with my illnesses. But we both stay strong and work through them.

I rely a lot on my writing and it has pulled me through some really bad times but I'd like to think that I have given something back to it. For now I can say I have achieved. I am a writer.