Healthy Horizons

The Writer's E-Zine Home

Writers' Village University - F2K: Free Fiction Writing Course - ePress-online
Writers' Village University Membership Information

Healthy Horizons

Laurie Lupold

I have recently been forced to take a good look at myself. I've contemplated my values, my character and though I realize I have my share of imperfections I find myself to be someone with substantial qualities. With this in mind, I have been left confused as to the development of a child, now a man in retrospect, who has none of these initial qualities. I am frustrated to the point that a separation between the two was crucial. I could no longer subject myself to the kind of despicable behavior which this young man displays.

This individual will steal, lie and cheat to obtain what he wants. He has constantly been in trouble with the law because of this, which is not representative of me, but forcefully involved me in crimes committed in other states, as they did not hold the child obligated to the consequences, but the parent. As a result, I will not only be paying restitution for the rest of my life, but also have had to replace things that this child has taken from me.

Just this past week he got one over on me again. My daughter and I were out shopping for her upcoming baby. We were having such a nice time. My son managed to track me down at the store. When I went to the phone, he began to create this story of peril. His plot begins with a physical confrontation between himself and another individual who he says was making terrible comments about the family. He continues with this production by informing me that he spent five days in jail for this and will be returning to jail unless he has eighty dollars for a fine the following day. Me being a mother, his mother, I was feeling terrible because he has a baby due any day and it would be awful if he wasn't there for the birth. All history aside, this is an important event in his life. My reaction was to give him the money so I had him come to the store to get it.

I arrived home and my daughter's boyfriend mentioned that my son was going to go buy a new pair of expensive shoes. I became suspicious, especially with his past, so I made some calls only to find what I expected, he'd never been arrested. Of course I was upset and hurt but I took it all in stride and dealt with it but it got worse.

As I mentioned earlier, he was expecting a baby which was a large part of the reason for my decision to help him. The following day, my daughter was going through some mail on the shelf and dropped a letter that was opened. The contents falling out, she discovered a yellow slip of paper which she handed to me. The paper was a birth certificate. Yes, you guessed it, I already had a granddaughter. He had just got money from me yesterday. I couldn't believe this. So many emotions surfaced.

Naturally I wanted an explanation. I called him. He didn't deny that he lied to me about the money. He went on to tell me I wasn't allowed to see my grandbaby. He listed some petty excuses, none which I found to be substantial for this kind of treatment. Irregardless, he made his choice. Bitter and hurt, I told him to come and get his stuff and not come to me anymore when he has a problem or wants money because I'm finished. Maybe that sounds harsh, but how much more can I be expected to take?

I have replayed my parenting and my example over and over in my mind. For the life of me I can't explain where he became this person from the type of individual I represent. Who decided I had to accept this type of behavior? The answer is quite simple: I did. In realizing that, I made the choice not to have him as part of my life until when he can show respect.

I guess, in some respect, I am searching for some acceptance of my choice but more than that, my readers are such an important part of my life I felt a need to share such an important period of my life with you. Maybe in doing so I might reach out to someone with similar experiences that has also questioned who they are. All we can accept is that we influence to our best ability who our children become but we have no magic that assures us that they will choose to be the type of people which we modeled. We cannot ever hold ourselves responsible for who others become. We can only hope for the best. Love your parents, for their effort was out of love.