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Drabble Corner

Michelle Swisz

July’s Drabble, on the topic of Uncertainty, is written by Kay Hamdan.

Stacey's mum

'Come round for dinner on Thursday, Mum's invited you.' Stacey looked sweet in her glitter heart t-shirt and white jeans. She smiled at me and squeezed my fingers. Home-made steak pie with fat chips and gravy. 'Stacey says it's your favourite,' said her mum. She poured gravy for me. Stacey chattered. I looked up from my plate and Stacey's mum was just looking down. 'That was delicious, Mrs. Walters.' My voice sounded weak and pathetic. She leaned over for my plate and her cleavage stared at me. My face burned. 'Kim.' She smiled and walked off. 'Thanks, Kim,' I stammered.

What makes living feel worthwhile? That’s a different question, I’ll say right away, from what makes living actually worthwhile. Kierkegaard said life must be lived forward but understood backward—if what he said is true, then how can we know, while we’re living our lives, before we’re at the end looking backward? What it is that makes our own particular lives actually worthwhile? Possibly all we can know about it, if we can know that much, is what it is that seems to make us feel, right now, that life is good.

And I won’t get into, either, in case it’s occurred to you, too, whether we distract ourselves with that enjoyment and good feeling from getting something deeper out of life that we’d get otherwise. Well, I can’t resist this one thought—there must be ways to learn other than by suffering, so enjoyment and joy without suffering, need not be signs of shallowness.

But, back to what kinds of things make us feel right now that life is good. When circumstances change, then by the definition of change of circumstance, something is added to our lives and something else is taken away. Sometimes, for instance, freedom is taken away, either by a happy event, such as marriage, or an unhappy one, such as literal incarceration. After the deprivation of it, we appreciate our freedom in an entirely new way, and freedom may then forever after (or, for only a while after) make us feel that our life is worth living.

It could be a phone call from that particular someone who makes not just our day but our life feel, at that moment, worthwhile. It could even be the absence of a painfully critical voice that’s been in our ear for too long. Sometimes music, poetry, literature, art, the sunset can affect us that way, too; if I have this, then no matter what else is going on for me right now, I can go on. It has to evoke our passion—even if at that particular point in our life, our biggest passion is for all the peace and quiet we can get. When I was about ten, one of my favorite things in the world was sitting up in bed after lights out time with a new science fiction magazine each month and with some Oreo cookies under the covers. I escaped, for a while—my childhood troubles into a new world with each new story—and as each one ended, there was another to pull me along, until the last one, of course, by which time, though, I was both satiated and very, very tired.

Right now I’m once again finding new things that make me feel my life is worthwhile, that make me feel that I really love and enjoy them and appreciate my life deeply. Morning walks by the northern end of the Monterey Bay, especially now that I can walk on my own without leaning on a cane, I find myself looking forward to with passion. The feeling of potential in any encounter, with anyone, can be surprising in its intensity, which has me looking forward to my day, and also to life. The potential isn’t just for the future—it’s an electric thing that can remain in the present and still be no less moving.

There’s so much to draw us forward into life. What seems to draw you forward into yours? Send your Drabble submission on what feels like it’s drawing you forward into life to Drabble@wvu.org. Here are the Guidelines once more—in summary, they are: 100 words exactly, not including title, sent in by the 10th of the month prior to the month that the winning Drabble on that topic will be published. So, submissions for this upcoming issue are due by the 10th of July.

Thanks for the questions, suggestions, and thoughtful submissions. See you again next month!