Craft of Writing

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Craft of Writing

Bill Wettler

Tag, You're It!

There is a good rule that says, "Don't write with the word 'it'." Some think the word helps us to write what cannot be phrased any other way. But a close look at how and why the word "it" is used shows that we are not stuck with the dull sound bite.

Consider the difference between the following two versions of the same paragraph.

He told his well-trained pet to go see what was tossed by a passing motorcycle. I let it out the door and waited for it to trot back with the surprise. It took awhile and John asked what was taking so long. It was motivated by the sound of its master's voice and hurried back through the sprinklers that it was hoping to avoid. It stopped at my feet, all wet and muddy, and would not go in. It dropped it there. Apparently, it wanted me to complete the delivery. (91 words)

He told his well-trained pet to see what a passing motorcycle tossed. I let the dog out the door and waited for her to trot back with the surprise. She took awhile and John asked what was taking so long. Motivated by the sound of her master's voice, she hurried back rather than wait any longer for the passing sprinkler. She arrived; dripping wet, dropped the newspaper at my feet and beseeched me to complete the delivery. (77 words)

Other editing rules were at work to produce the better-written version with fewer words. But removing every occurrence of the word "it" is arguably the most significant. After all, the main reason we have pronouns is to avoid awkward repetitions, and here the repetitive use of the word "it" is ironic.

In the first paragraph, the word "it" occurred nine times. The substituted pronoun "she" may not seem like much of an improvement in the re-written example because the word works much the same way that the pronoun "it" does, i.e., both pronouns are variables for "the dog." But "she" (used 4 times) was alternately written as "her" (used twice), and that is better than nine occurrences of "it."

Furthermore, since the word "it" may stand for any kind of object whatsoever(i.), readers are far more likely to be lost off on some tangential search for the object that "it" stands for. By using the word "she" and "her," the gender of the subject is, at least, communicated. And something with a gender is more graphic and easier to follow than an "it."

Where the author's intent, as a matter of style, is to keep readers guessing about the exact nature of his subject and objects, there are still plenty of words and phrases that are more colorful than the word "it." A dog is also a furry beast, a fleabag, man's best friend, and so on. And in the case of the newspaper, we have: a package, the daily or simply a delivery.

The challenge of the "avoid-it" rule is not simply to avoid that word by repeating, in the above example, "The dog...," "the dog...," "the dog...," as a kind of reverse substitution principle. Better phrases with fewer words are to be found by re-writing the whole paragraph more creatively. Re-writes are almost always better if for no other reason but that more thought has been given to the task. But the presence of the word "it" is always a sign that more thought is needed.

Consider how a story about a man and a tree might be written. There might be a sentence like: "He walked up to it to enjoy the shade it cast and looked for a place that was dry enough that he could sit." Shorter sentences, with ironically more information about the context or environment, can easily be conceived.

Drawn by the beautiful blooms, he found a cool dry piece of ground to sit on beneath the canopy.

Crouching as he passed below a low hanging branch, he searched for a dry seat upon one of the huge spreading roots.

Good authors already know that their writing must supply the senses—eyes and ears and so on, to put the reader's imagination to work. But readers are deprived of so many sensations—sights and sounds and so on, when authors rely on the word "it." So to accomplish what is important: avoid the word "it."

One possible reason writers are hoodwinked into using the word "it" is because the word is usually simple, clear and useful in speech. In casual conversation, people have occasion to ask:

"What do you call it...uh...you know that thing...oh...there, look at this...this thing what do you call it?"

There is little reason, under typical circumstances, to censor that kind of speech and try to sound eloquent with some edited version. But in writing, a description is needed to do the work of a nod or pointing finger. If one were to ask this question of a friend or family member by leaving a note, that note would have to be re-written as:

What is the name of the new yellow hand tool Harry has been using lately? What do I ask for, at the hardware store, when I go to buy one?"(ii.)

The main reason for the difference between speaking and writing skills has to do with the challenge that writing, which requires some contemplation, poses to critical thinking and organizational skills. But the presence of the word "it" is a sign that the writer has not quite risen to the challenge.

And again, if in the interests of testing the avoid-it rule, one comes to face with some such phrase as "It's raining," don't attempt to find another phrase just for the sake of following the rule in speech. The point is that the "avoid-it" rule applies to written work within the context of a paragraph and not to speech. And where the person whose talking is a character, then the phrase doesn't need to be changed at all.(iii.)

Even in technical and business writing and in textbook writing, there are also peculiar uses of the word "it." Even in these contexts, where supplying the senses or using graphic language is not a goal, there is a problem with sentence length. Consider, for example, how one science text advises teachers and students to deal with animals "in an environmentally responsible manner.(iv.)"

Any animals that have been collected locally may be released. It is, however, best to consider the season and its effects on the animal before release. Most animals ordered from supply houses are not native species and must not be released into the environment. These animals may not be able to survive in your area and would needlessly suffer before they died. (62 words)(v.)

The first sign that these verbose phrases can be re-written with less words is none other than the presence of the word "it." With the goal in mind of saying the same thing without that word, one inevitably finds a more concise way of writing. Note the following example.

When releasing, consider the effects of the season on any animals collected either locally or ordered from supply houses. And be careful with non-native species. Do not release animals that will suffer and die in your area. (37)

The "avoid-it" rule, taken together with any number of other good editing rules, is a sure path to success. Though difficult to follow at times, the rule is very easy to understand in principle and always proven by the results. Each re-write, like a game, promises a win.

In fact, the "avoid-it" game is similar to a game that has been played by children everywhere since the beginning of time. The boy or girl who is "it" must chase after any one of the other kids. A child touched or tagged becomes "it." The goal of the game, called "Tag," is to avoid being "it." "Avoid-it" is the linguistic version of Tag. And thoughtful, creative re-writing is the path to a sure win.(vi.)

ENDNOTES
i. Sometimes "it" can even stand for a person as in the sentence: The phone kept ringing. But she didn't know who it was.
ii. The word "it" should be employed in scripts or stories where dialog is written because, to be realistic, writers have to write the way people talk. Also, other dull works, if quoted, have to be quoted the way they have been written.
iii.
iv. Pg T31 Harcourt Science Teacher's Edition, Units A and B Copyright Harcourt, Inc. 2000
v. IBID
vi. Phrases like "...the word 'it'..." have been used in the present text, but in that context, the word is a noun. Such grammar-speak or language used to talk about language does not use the term in the way readers are advised to avoid. The word "it" is never used, for example, as a pronoun. And quotes with the word "it" are forgivable because they do not represent our own writing.

About the Author
Bill is an expatriate American teaching college ESL (reading, writing and conversation) in Thailand—Bangkok University. His inspiration for writing came about after a discussion with his translator regarding his opinion, which led the translator to advise Bill to write an article.