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Humor: Torment Behind the Art

Edward L. Flaim

Those Who Can....

We often hear the statement "Those who can do. Those who can’t teach." Fortunately this former perceived truism is now seen as the fallacy it is. Many published fiction authors now teach, not only at prestigious universities but in the proliferation of "How To" books, particularly the series "Elements of Fiction Writing." We no longer need to reinvent the wheel. The writing community provides us with "cheat sheets" that simplify the writing process so long as we continue to write.

One of my favorite authors is Orson Scott Card, although I’ve only read two of his novels, Ender’s Game and Speaker for the Dead. Card was the literary equivalent of the guitarists Roy Buchanon, found dead hanging in his jail cell, and Danny Gatton, found dead with half a head after trying to clean his 9mm Glock with his tongue. Both guitarists were so talented that many promising guitarists traded in their Fenders for kazoos after hearing them perform. How many promising writers returned to writing greeting cards after reading Card’s novels we can only guess. I didn’t want to fall into that category.

However, Orson Scott Card is a kind author and shared his skills in "Characters & Viewpoint." He briefly addressed comedic character and noted that, "Comic characters cannot be believable in the same way that other characters are. They can’t be unbelievable, either. But comedy almost always deals with pain, and comic characters almost always suffer. If we believed in them with the same intensity we bring to straight characters, their pain would be unbearable. Instead, the author gives the audience clues that the character is not to be taken seriously. Something is made deliberately ‘wrong’ about the character, so that we know we aren’t supposed to react with sympathy. Instead we’re supposed to laugh."

I find Card’s characterization of the comedic character perfect for the writer who has determined well in advance which of his characters will be comedic. I believe it would be a perfect tool for those who draft detailed outlines before beginning to write. However, the only "outlines" with which I am familiar are the fault lines in tennis, the foul lines in baseball and the out-of-bounds line in many games. Try as I did I could never draft an outline even for complex theses and legal briefs. When writing fiction the problem is more complex, as I do not recognize the heroes, villains, comedic characters and bit players until the final rewrite. A character who begins as a serious character may evolve into a comedic character or no character at all. Since this column is ostensibly a humor column, although the numerous death threats often make me wonder, I shall attempt to write two portrayals of an identical character, with one character serious and the other humorous. Feel free to verbally destroy these passages, sans death threats, please.
 
Serious Character

It began as an accident. Oz was walking down his stairs and failed to notice his newest kitten lying on an upper step, his gray fur blending perfectly with the coal colored rug, rendering him invisible. Oz tripped on the soon to be yelping kitten, Little Gray, and plummeted down the stairs, his left shoulder and head smashing into the rock hard door frame, shattering his left shoulder. He screamed and writhed in pain but no one was home to hear him. Somehow he managed to stumble to the phone, unsuccessfully tried to dial 911 and stumbled to the front door, opening it in the hope that someone would come to the door. He once again screamed before passing out from the excruciating pain.

His next memory was awakening in the hospital watching a nurse injecting a viscous substance into a shunt inserted into a vein on his right wrist.

"Whazzat?" mumbled Oz, the injection producing its desired effect.

"Dilaudid," the nurse replied.

Oz stared at his left arm. He felt no cast, no sling, seeing only a sheet and blanket visible. At that moment the Doctor appeared.

"How are we feeling, Mr. Bennet?"

Oz laughed and simultaneously screamed before responding.

"I don’t know how we feel, Doctor.  I, on the other hand, feel as though my left arm has been ripped off."

The doctor and nurse stared at each other, grimacing, a silent exchange that sent Oz’s blood pressure climbing and his heart racing.

"Mr. Bennet. Do you know how long you’ve been here?" asked the Doctor.

"Two hours or so."

"Over two weeks. We performed surgery on your left arm. Unfortunately it was three days before anybody found your unconscious body on the floor of your living rooms."

"Three days? It couldn’t have been that long!"

"You had a severe head injury, Mr. Bennet. We were fortunate enough to deal successfully with that. However, the time that elapsed between your injuries and our treatment left us no alternative but to amputate your left arm."

Oz screamed yet again before falling into blissful unconsciousness.

Thus concludes the description and tale of the serious character with specific character traits.. Can we make him and his predicament humorous? Not completely. The loss of an arm has serious repercussions. But another character’s personality and world view may indeed add a touch of humor.

Humorous Character

Oz dragged his 6' 7" body into the already running shower and immediately found his legs hovering well above his torso. He laughed hysterically as he realized he had broken his record. Six backward flips in the shower in six days. He inched his way upward and saw his four cats snickering at him. He knew that if these feline felons could speak, they’d say, "Damned fool! He fell for the soap bar routine six days in a row. Why are we endowed with such an imbecilic pet? We’d run away but he keeps our litter boxes clean, feeds us well and is always good for a chuckle." They ran out of the bathroom to prepare their next trick.

Oz managed to stand, grabbed the removable shower head and sat back down, finishing his shower from the safety of the bath tub floor.

When he had finished, Oz walked on all fours to his room. He dressed in his usual fashion, underwear on backwards, different shades of socks and a Versace shirt bought at a thrift shop for three bucks, probably because it was three buttons short of a full set and had a cigarette burn on its collar.

While struggling with a clip-on tie, he began thinking of Arlo Gurthrie’s classic song, "The Last Man." Whenever feeling down and out, a buddy would point to some homeless drunken man and say, "Look, man, things could be worse. Take a look at that guy!"

But what about the last man? Nobody had it worse than him. He couldn’t even find train tracks to lie across, waiting for a train to crush him. Oz was certain he was that last man. Nobody could have a more miserable life. Yet it was amusing so Oz pushed forward.

His cats came close to proving him right. Forming a mini-pyramid at the top of the stairs that his 6' 7" body failed to see, he went tumbling down the stairs, smashing his left shoulder and head into the rock hard frame of the doorway. When he awakened in the hospital over two weeks later to discover he no longer had a left arm, he smiled, assured he was not Guthrie’s "The Last Man." Oz was right handed and would have no difficulty in picking his nose.

Not a work of art but it does demonstrate a point. The same character can be either serious or humorous depending upon the author’s mood and intention that inform the character. Humor does derive from pain.

All comments, criticisms and verbal executions are welcome. Please send to Ed@wvu.org.  To make my life a bit easier, please place "Humor Column" in the subject line with a cyber toke. 
 

About the Author
Ed was born in 1950. He entered the world butt-first and has since viewed the world primarily through this vertical eye. As most of those who survived the turbulent sixties, he faced several choices: death, prison, insanity or law. He chose both law and insanity. He graduated from the University of Minnesota Law School in 1984 after touring the world’s asylums..

He was a well-established and recognized practitioner when diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1993. He continued to actively practice law until 1998, when his physical and mental condition said, "Screw this," and he returned to Maryland. In Maryland he vegetated until he came upon WVU and attempted to write fiction.

Ed has published hundreds if not thousands of his writings. That's only because every document he has ever filed with the courts is considered published. Thus far, publishers have been kind and printed one of his 300 story submissions. He's waiting anxiously to see what will happen with number 301, hoping it might bring him wealth and fame like Stephen King, or at the very least, a cookie.