Craft of Writing

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Craft of Writing

Tammy Barker

Struggles of the Unpublished – A Comic’s View

Is there anything harder than breaking into the writing field as a part-time job, hobby, or lifelong dream? I think not. I dream of character plots instead of sexual fantasies, wear my fingers to nubs with the keyboard, and kill countless trees with rough drafts. I have been writing for a good while, and getting nowhere fast.

Let’s look at the facts. I have to find time to write. I have a full time job; that’s 45 hours with commuting, getting ready takes another five hours, and lunch is five more. Supervising the children’s homework takes about ten hours. Sleeping averages six hours a night, that equals 42. Sunday church services take a minimum of two hours, and other adult activities rob three precious blocks. Shopping to keep the family tummies full takes two hours, and another fourteen to cook and eat those meals. Exercising the body constitutes seven hours a week, and the mind via current events and such requires an additional four. The dreaded chores average seven hours a week and the equally stifling job of watching children participate in their activities consumes another seven. Heaven forbid I want family time that eats away seven hours, or a date with my spouse stealing an additional four. Added together, that gives me a total of four hours to write a week, and that’s if I don’t vegetate at all!

It’s recommended to try gigs that accept rookie writers, such as local magazines, newspapers and other less than exciting ideas. I live in a metro area with few small newspapers. I am sure the Washington Post is chomping at the bit for my ideas. All I can afford is McDonald’s and Taco Bell, and their food reviews aren’t exactly newsworthy unless you’re writing about how to gain weight. Travel? Sure, if I had the time to go somewhere. Trade journals for my career would be great if I had the required credentials. I’ve been working on a self-help romance book for years. How do I try my hand at ghostwriting when I can’t publish my own thoughts?

I’ve taken a couple of writing classes and seminars, and know others who’ve taken the gamut of styles and instructions, from the freebies to the expensive and intense. With the above time frame, who wants to spend 20 hours a week completing exercises that may not fine-tune my writing interests? What if the teacher’s idea of writing isn’t mine? What could be more counterproductive than that?

Once the article or short story is complete, I need to find a market. The experts tell me to research the magazines I want to query. Who in their right mind reads every article? Personally, I read the articles I’m interested in, and the rest is recycled. They suggest I read several back issues to get a thorough feel and see what's been published recently. What if the magazine I choose isn’t sold in my local stores? I’d have to order a subscription or hope they are in the public library (usually not). Imagine ordering, let alone reading ten magazines a month. Let’s not forget many magazines do not use freelancers, or they require agents for a query letter to be read before it hits the shredder. The number of queries versus articles published can be scary. It sounds like I have a better chance of winning the state lottery. Where’s the nearest 7-11?

The submission guidelines! Some magazines give very specific ones; others are too broad. Am I supposed to adhere to each one? What if my article has 2100 words and their requirements are 2000 words or less? If I tighten up, something is bound to disappear that ruins the article. What if my story is hilarious but the editor doesn’t find it funny? Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, even if it is wrong.

Speaking of queries, they are required for many magazines and all books. Many books and websites show me what a good query looks like. No problem. I copy a “good letter,” and replace the real author’s information with mine. This is harder than you think when you don’t have a single clip to your name or any real expertise. It’s worse than looking for my first job. They wouldn’t hire me without experience, but I couldn’t get experience without a job. I send the letter off and eventually get the standard rejection letter. It goes something like this:

Thank you for your recent submission to (insert name here) magazine. Unfortunately, we are unable to publish your story at this time. We thank you for your readership and for sharing your thoughts and ideas with us. Sincerely, The Editors

After getting several of those letters, I asked people in writing groups what I’m doing wrong. Most of them ask me if I am sure I’m sending my best query letter. Now how am I supposed to know if it’s the best? Let’s see. Plagiarizing the basics of an accepted letter. Hmm, does that mean my story stinks, or was the copied letter no good?

If I send the entire story (as required) and I receive the same type of letter, I’m supposed to revamp and submit elsewhere. How do I determine what to change? What if I think the story is very good the way it is? Or what if I’m stupid enough to change the one paragraph they actually liked? Without any specific guidance, where do I turn? Come on, people, I’m clueless. Give me some kind of hint!

Let’s talk about agents for a minute. How does one grab an agent? I know about making sure they are AAR members and the standard questions to ask before signing any contract. Some agents admit they don’t use contracts. How scary is that? The Writer’s Market has a good listing of agents and their markets. But many agents say they want me to be referred by someone else. So now, I need to find someone who’s broken the glass ceiling to recommend me. No problem. I’m sure there’s someone out there willing to help me take away their shelf space and royalties. Talk about your food chain. I need a friend who knows an author, who knows an agent, who knows a publisher. And how do I approach this situation? Excuse me, stranger? Can you help me get an agent?

Critique groups are abundant, but a good one is elusive. I know what I’m looking for. I want a group that gets to know each individual, and gives useful feedback. They can say ‘you meant to say he nudged the body, not kicked it’, because they know how I think. There are loads of people willing to say I did a good job. Maybe they’re afraid of hurting my feelings, but that doesn’t help me. How much time will I waste before finding the right group? Work with me, people; work with me!

Writing conventions would be a good tool if my small talk skills were up to par. I went to a book convention and spent the entire weekend volunteering and trying to join conversations with the wrong people. I had samples with me, but could never find an agent to look at anything. They were there, but I couldn’t find any. Why don’t you wear a sign saying ‘I’m an agent/publisher, come talk to me’? It would have helped. Here I am, at the starting line, looking for my coach and waiting for the gun to be fired.

Writing contests are a good way to check my writing ability, if I qualify. Some contests require publication of an article and someone else to enter said article. Other contests are only open to state residents. I could feed a small third-world country with my entry fees. No-fee contests are restrictive; I feel like I’m wearing a chastity belt. How many entries are there in an average contest? It sounds more and more like I’d better run to the 7-11 for that lottery ticket.

What about building one of those WebBlog sites? Maybe Internet access is a good way to show editors/agents samples. However, if I have nothing published am I stretching the imagination too far? Are the articles then published and unavailable for certain contests? I’ve seen other blog sites, and it seems like a lot of work. Would it be worth the creative stress and humiliating myself worldwide?

The best advice published writers give is to be persistent. What exactly does that mean? Cram the same story/article down every publisher’s throat until someone gives in? Write many different pieces and flood the market with my name and handiwork? What about changing my genre choice or writing style? Do I carry multiple manuscripts and stalk publishers in the public restrooms?

Seriously, folks. Is there any task harder than achieving that golden first clip? The presidential office maybe. It’s one Arnold will never hold. But when I contemplate the other options, I don’t think there is.

Someone asked me why I keep writing. That’s a good question. Why do I constantly let my soul cry in frustration? Is it fame? Fortune? Knowing my writing is better? Changing the world? Escaping reality? Is it in my blood? These are noble reasons to keep trying, but in reality, I’m just a masochist, finding perverse satisfaction in beating the odds.

About the Author
Tammy Barker is a government accountant in Washington DC and a proud wife and mother of three great kids. She lives her life one day at a time and believes in setting challenges to discourage boredom. Who knows why she became an accountant? Not her. She woke up one morning and decided to do it without knowing what an accountant was, and she’s good. She got her Master’s in Business Administration just to see if she had the nerve to try. She tried Tae-Kwon-Do, having no physical aptitude for sports, and didn’t quit until after she reached her goal of purple belt, when her back cried no more. Tammy’s always loved to read, especially mystery novels, and chose as her next goal in life to work after hours until she published something. She has several short stories and articles floating around the States, screaming for publication. She’s currently taking an online writing course through Writer’s Digest to work on a “chick-lit” mystery, and isn’t giving up until she can add publication to her resume.