Craft of Writing

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Craft of Writing

Jeannine Swindell

The Intruder

It never told me to do anything I did not want to do. Nor did it have me, in the literal sense, shackled or bound against my will. There wasn't even a night when I felt the walls were talking to me like a mantra saying that I couldn't do it. Where is this place? I used to think it was the place where I would eat, sleep and watch cable (oops!). My home was my big-as-Texas list of excuses as to why I could not produce quality writing on a semi-regular basis. Guess what? My home does not have the following: children, co-dependent pets or even electronics that need programming on a daily basis. Yet it does contain a fully functioning computer, an overflowing bookcase begging to be upgraded and a phone with both a "Ringer Off" feature and an answering machine. Makes you sick just to hear this little bit of nothing, doesn't it? Like a bad soap opera, it gets more dramatic.

Since I work as a temp doing everything from accounting support to writing online reports so that non-profits can continue to receive funding, my being organized is key and working against tight deadlines comes with the territory. I have supported myself this way for years so you would think I could transfer this into my own projects, right?

Some days I come home wanting nothing but a glass of wine and to just lie down for a few minutes (but this has turned into a few hours). Other times, once I'm off the clock I'm in the stores trying to beat the weekend madness. Now once in a great while, I get smart by doing all the housework over the course of the work week so that I have weekends uninterrupted to write. When this happens, I get an average of two projects drafted out of five to be completed but sometimes just retrieving and organizing resources and related events are chores by themselves.

Now this is an improvement. When I first moved into my home, Sunday mornings were spent watching "In the Heat of the Night" reruns. Sometimes these were marathons that lasted up to six continuous hours. Then I had to return calls I screened while watching the 80s program. This would average an additional three hours of my day and, of course, it would start to get dark so that meant get ready to punch the clock and do it all over again.

After a while, I could not watch "Heat" because so many of the original cast members had passed on due to unfortunate circumstances. As far as the grocery shopping went, I would buy a little extra. This is when I learned that bulk items and specials save not only money but time, which none of us can get back. Even though I'd once created spreadsheets as weekly timesheets to use for writing, they meant nothing because I never set aside time to write. Eventually, I began to assess my social life and realized that reading about people that had the life I wanted was counterproductive. Money spent on books along with the time spent was slowly transforming me into a female Walter Mitty. So I really thought hard before buying books related to writing and became better acquainted with my library. Friends are a good thing to have and friends who like to have a good time are even better (as we get older anyway), but when outings became repetitive and conversations would have longer periods of silence, I cut back on going out. Any recipe that I could not duplicate at home, I would have it “to go” instead of eating at the restaurant.

The more I began to take control of how I spent time, the less I felt like I was on one of those people-movers at the airport. Just kind of gliding along with what life brings me as far as work, relationships and what I am destined to become—and forcing myself to be satisfied.

The road to having the artistic life is not an easy one but an illness I had not long ago forced me to get out of that "safe" mind frame. I'm not saying to ignore your obligations because that will lead the road to ruin and block any creativity along the way. Then there will be nothing to show, tangible or otherwise. Money is evil only when it is not spent wisely or used to help others.

If you find something you want is out of reach, assess why this may be. No reasons could mean many things, but if it falls back to what you did or did not do, then find out what is causing the intrusion. I used to think my intrusion was in my home but it was really in my head.