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Sculpting With Words

Writers and authors of creative fiction and non-fiction sculpt images with words. Learning how to choose the right word can be compared to a sculptor and his tools. Little by little the masterpiece takes form. A blend of active, specific words propels the story forward and creates an image within the reader’s imagination.

In today’s market, writing creative fiction and non-fiction effectively requires writers to show rather than tell the story. It takes practice to write in an active voice. In the process, we learn not only to identify but to avoid passive verbs, adverbs that modify or explain the verb, vague words, words giving unnecessary direction and redundant words.

How to Recognize Passive Verbs

I’ve talked about passive words in past articles, and writers always tell me how helpful it is for them. Just like any other part of writing, it takes practice to not only see passive verbs but also to learn how to eliminate them. Watch for verbs like is, am, are, was, were, and all verbs including the words be, being or been. Passive verbs are often made up of two words like the example below. You won't eliminate every passive verb; but learning to identify them is the first step in learning to write without them.

Example:

He was walking happily.

Was walking tells the reader what occurs, but making a simple change such as He walked, eliminates the passive was and shows he walked. Choosing an even more specific verb creates a stronger image. Consider the difference: He hobbled, or he shuffled show how he walked; the more specific the verb, the clearer the image.

Adverbs

Adverbs often tell when, where, why, or under what conditions something occurs. Adverbs frequently end in ly. However not every adverb ends in ly. If you look at the above example, the word happily tells how the character walked. Instead, something like: He walked with a bounce in his step shows his mood. Other words and phrases can also serve an adverbial function. Adverbs modify. When they modify the verb, it’s best to search for a more specific verb to do the job.

Another pitfall regularly visited by newer writers is the use of adverbs in speech tags to explain the tone of the dialog.

Example:

“I won’t do it,” she said angrily.

The adverb angrily modifies the verb said. It explains how the character said it. Instead, create strong dialog that says what it means. Character body language is one tool you can use to help convey the action.

Example:

“I won’t do it.” She turned and stomped from the room.

Such beats show the anger rather than explain that the character is angry.

Unnecessary Directions a Form of Redundancy

A form of redundancy often overlooked by writers includes unnecessary directions. Up, down, back, below and similar words commonly create redundancy. If a writer has made a direction clear, the use of these words offers redundant information.

Example:

He stashed the book back under the chair again.

If the writer shows the removal of the book and the return of the book to its hiding place beneath the chair, words like back and again offer redundant information. He stashed the book under the chair shows all the reader needs to know. Direction is clear.

Another common redundant use includes words like up and down.

Example:

He sat down on the sofa.

If the writer shows the character standing and then sitting, He sat on the sofa is sufficient. Carefully chosen words sculpt a clear image in the reader’s mind.

Vague Words

Search for non-specific words like very, really, good, alot/a lot, still, and the similarly vague words: some, all, most, many, more, enough, several, fewest, fewer, few, etc. None of these word choices add to the image you’ve worked so hard to create in the reader’s imagination. Find a specific word to replace vague words or eliminate them. If you question whether a word is vague, ask yourself what you see. If many characters surround your protagonist it’s unclear what he’s up against. On the other hand, if you say a half dozen burly men surround your protagonist, the threat is clear. Replace vague with tangible image-inducing words.

Catching Redundant Words and Phrases

Redundancy is one flaw that’s easy to miss. We work so hard to get rid of passive verbs and vague words that we overlook the fact that we’ve started three sentences in a row with the word “She” or used the same word three or four times in one paragraph.

Redundant phrases are another thing to watch for. One manuscript that I edited awhile back had a character whose cheeks burned, and flushed throughout the story. Others that I see regularly are, lumps in throats, biting lower lips and such little habits that everyday people use. However, they must be sprinkled naturally throughout the manuscript. Overuse constitutes redundancy.

Read Out Loud

Once you’ve combed through your manuscript looking for the things pointed out in this column and corrected them, let your story rest for a few days. After it has set for a couple days or more, read it out loud. With a red pen, mark anything that stands out. If the words cause you to stumble—mark it. If a passive verb jumps out at you—circle it. After you’ve finished, go back and make your final changes.


About the Author
Author and freelance writer, Donna Sundblad, resides in Georgia with her husband, Rick. Together, they are working on a budgeting book that will be out in electronic format by early 2007. Donna serves as the Fantasy Topic Editor at Inspired Author, and her books, Pumping Your Muse and Windwalker are available in paper or ebook formats at epress-online.com. Check her website for more information at www.theinkslinger.net.